How toilet training philosophies have changed
The parenting philosophies of a generation ago were quite different from those in vogue today. It's common for grandparents these days to think their grandchildren should be toilet trained at an age when many children are still in diapers. Today most experts believe that toilet training, like many developmental achievements, should be child centered, which means that parents take their cue from the child rather than vice versa. However, many grandparents believe that waiting for a child to decide that she's ready or interested doesn't provide enough structure.
What you can do when you disagree about toilet training
Sometimes grandparents will make remarks about toilet training as part of general criticism about the way their grandchildren are being raised. A remark such as "You mean you haven't started toilet training yet?" may be attached to comments about your other parenting decisions.
If your child's grandparents frequently take care of her, you may want to discuss your toilet-training strategies. Some grandparents will be interested in learning more about current toilet training ideas, and showing them some of what you've read here may be helpful. You may also agree to disagree, asking your child's grandparents to direct any comments to you, out of your child's hearing.
What you should do if the grandparents watch your child
Even if your 2-year-old doesn't seem ready to you, she might be ready to practice using the potty part-time with Grandma (who cares for her during the day). Since your child probably won't have the same need to assert her independence or act negatively toward her grandparents that she does with you, she may be more cooperative with them when it comes to using the potty. As long as you feel comfortable with the general approach the grandparents are planning to take, it's reasonable to let them start potty training even if you'd planned to wait a little longer. However, consistency is key for 2-year-olds, so it's important to get everyone on the same page before you begin.
Also, let your child's grandparents know they shouldn't make too big a deal out of her efforts to use the potty or she may feel she's let them down when she has an accident — which is almost inevitable. And, of course, talk to them about how important it is not to scold or punish her when she does have an accident, or she may begin to resist training. Most importantly, don't put your child in the middle of any disagreement about toilet training between you and your parents or in-laws; handle any tense discussions well out of her earshot.
source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com
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