How To Raise A Child Who Loves Music (age 5 to 8)

Want to raise a child who loves and appreciates music? It's easier than learning to play "Chopsticks." You don't have to be a virtuoso. All you need to do is create a music-rich environment. Here are some tips on orchestrating the beginnings of a lifelong love of music:

• Sing songs both to and with your child. Whether you're doing a solo or chiming in with the radio or CD player, you're setting the stage. And don't worry about performing an aria or the full score from the Lion King — just one song, like "Hakuna Matata" (making up lyrics as you go along, if need be), is music to your child's ears. Don't worry if you're a tad off key. "Singing in tune is not a requirement," says Wendy Sims, professor and director of music education at the University of Missouri-Columbia. "What's important is that you interact with your child musically, which shows your youngster that you value music." Also, if you feel insecure about your voice, it's best to avoid negative statements such as "I can't carry a tune." You're trying to develop a positive attitude toward music, and children aren't the harsh music critics that many adults are. They'll love singing with you no matter how you sound.

• Strike up the band. Click on the radio, pop in a tape, insert a CD. With a flip of a switch or the push of button, you can make music an integral part of your child's everyday life, and thus help him develop an interest in music. "Just as you'd get a child excited about reading by reading to him, you get a child excited about music by listening to music, dancing to music, doing just about anything musical," says Pamela Shaw, director of the Oklahoma City University Performing Arts Academy.

• Play an assortment of music. Young children are receptive to all kinds of music: jazz, classical, pop, African, Latin, and so on. By playing a variety of artists, composers, and styles, you create a stimulating musical environment — a home filled with the sounds of different instruments, languages, and rhythms. Also, the sooner you introduce a child to the different styles of music, the better. "As children get older, sometime around 8 or 9, they're likely to pick a favorite type of music and only want to listen to that particular style for quite some time," says Patricia Shehan Campbell, author of Songs in Their Heads: Music and Its Meaning in Children's Lives and professor of music at the University of Washington in Seattle. "So before children decide on their favorite style, you want them to be aware of the incredible array available." Keep in mind that although all different kinds of children's music are available — everything from the classical CD Beethoven Lives Upstairs to African, Caribbean, and Zydeco — it doesn't have to be music specifically for kids.

• Play "Finish That Tune." Sing, hum, or whistle the first few notes of a song that your child knows — for example, "This land is my land..." — and then stop. Chances are that your child (or anyone else in the room) will finish the line. It's also a fun and effective way to wake up a child in the morning. Poke your head into your child's bedroom, and sing a few notes of a song — for example, "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie: "The sun'll come out..." and stop. After a few tries, you might hear your increasingly alert child sing out "tomorrow."

• Attend concerts. Many symphonies perform children's concerts, like Peter and the Wolf, at which the different instruments are highlighted. And communities often present concerts in the park — a wonderful setting for children because they can listen and move to music in a setting they already associate with having fun.

• Check out musically minded books. Reading stories like Mozart Tonight by Julie Downing or Gabriella's Song by Candance Fleming is another easy way to introduce your child to music.

• Enroll in children's music programs. Kindermusik, a popular, national music program, is geared for children up to age 7. The classes are designed around developmental stages, and the children learn about music through activities such as singing, moving to music, and playing games and simple instruments. The program also offers parents an opportunity to participate with their child.

• Dance to the music. Kids love to dance, so crank up the tunes and twist and shout.

• Perform. If your child is learning to play the piano or another instrument — even the pots and pans — why not put on a show? See our articles on playing musical instruments. Make it casual, but special. For your budding Liberace, you might place a candelabra on the piano, or maybe you'd like to jam along with your little drummer boy. You could even videotape the show as a gift for Grandma and Grandpa.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Separation and Indenpendence (age 5)

Separation and independence: What to expect when
Most, though not all, 5-year-olds are ready to tackle school. For some children, going to kindergarten marks the first major separation from you and your partner. For kids who attended daycare or preschool, kindergarten is still a major turning point, because your child will be given more responsibilities and independence in school. And "big" school is usually a much larger and more complex social setting than any she's known before.

What you'll see
At this age, your child is probably able to separate from you and your partner comfortably. In fact, she may be eager to head off to a friend's house, or stay with grandma for the weekend. Still, helping your child cope with separation now will make future separations easier. That's especially true if your child has a shy, anxious, or timid temperament, since she may be more sensitive to separations.

Your child will also be increasingly less dependent on you by now. That's a positive sign that she's more secure and her sense of identity is stronger. For instance, during this year, if not before, your child will learn the value of friends — both children and adults — outside her own family, a strong indicator of her growing independence. She'll be able to do more things for herself, such as taking a bath with your help. And she can help out with family chores, including setting the table for dinner or planting seeds for a vegetable garden. But don't panic; despite this emerging independence, there's a long way yet before your child goes off to college.

What you can do
It's simple: Encourage your child's growing independence. "The challenge of parenting lies in finding the balance between nurturing, protecting, and guiding your child, and allowing her to explore, experiment, and become an independent, unique person," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline book series. So let your child safely try something new, such as trying a different food, finding a new friend, or riding a bike without training wheels, and resist the urge to intervene. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence.

You'll also want to balance between offering your child developmentally appropriate challenges, which may still involve some frustration on her part, and having her stretch to tackle developmentally inappropriate tasks, which can squelch independence. In other words, let her tough it out a bit as she figures out where to put things as she sets the table, for instance, but don't expect her to make a whole salad. Watch for her cues. Following are some smart strategies to try:

At home Acknowledge the importance of your child's increasingly independent relationships. Suggest that your kindergartner invite her school pals home. It's important for the self-esteem of a child this age to show off her home, family, and toys. This doesn't mean your house has to be luxurious or filled with expensive playthings; warm and welcoming is what's needed here.

At school A child who has a tough time separating, or one who isn't used to being apart from you or your partner, can benefit from a little extra time in the morning before heading off to kindergarten. Plan to wait with her at the bus stop before saying goodbye. Or build in extra time for breakfast together.

Around others A child's sense of independence is also nourished when you treat her with respect. For instance, her body is her own, so don't insist that she kiss or hug relatives or family friends if she doesn't want to. Instead, let her set her own pace for public displays of affection. If Grandma feels slighted, simply explain to her that you don't want to force your child to show her affection when she doesn't want to — she'll probably find other ways to let her know she's happy to see her.

At sleepovers You should also assess whether your child is ready for a sleepover or an extended stay at a relative's home. If she needs elaborate bedtime rituals or clings or cries when you leave her or seems unhappy in new situations, you may want to postpone a sleepover — for everyone's sake. Instead, try a practice run: Send your pj-clad, sleeping-bag-toting child to a friend's or family member's place for a few hours of nighttime fun, chatting, and snacking. Around 9 o'clock, you can pick her up and then everyone can get some sleep.

If, on the other hand, your child is eager to go away for a night, sleeps well at home, and handles separation without any drama, then go ahead and let her go to a sleepover. Just make sure to answer any questions she might have beforehand, such as where she will sleep, and tell her she can come home at any time if she needs to. Then help her get ready for the big occasion, drop her off, and let her know when you or your partner will pick her up the next day. Make sure you come when you say you will. You may also want to call your child around bedtime, if you think that might be comforting.

What to watch out for
If your child clings, cries, or otherwise displays a major protest when you or your partner leaves her, talk to her pediatrician. It may simply mean that she has a tendency to such behavior because of her shy or timid temperament, which she'll probably overcome by age 6. Or she may be stressed about a new change, such as going to school, moving to a new house, or the unexpected absence of a parent. A persistent problem with separating that lasts four weeks or more and negatively affects the quality of your child's life, for instance skipping playdates to avoid anxiety, should be discussed with her doctor, says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at United States International University in San Diego.

Don't despair if your 5-year-old starts being rude when you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do. Difficult as this behavior may be to tolerate, it's actually a sign that he's learning to challenge authority and test the limits of his independence. Simply tell him in a calm but firm manner that such behavior is unacceptable and then move on. Making a big fuss over backtalk can backfire: You may actually prolong this sassy patter instead of putting a stop to it.

What's ahead
The road to adulthood is riddled with separations: the first day of middle school, the first time away at summer camp, and even the first year of college. As your child moves through the elementary-school years, she'll become increasingly independent and show an even greater comfort level with separating from you and your partner for sleepovers, visits with grandparents, and out-of-town field trips. Peers and adults outside the immediate family — such as teachers, coaches, aunts, and uncles — will play an increasingly important role in her life. But you're not done yet: Your child will always need your guidance, encouragement, and love.

To share your concerns about your child's shyness or anxieties with other parents, see our bulletin board.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Self-care (age 5)

Self-care: What to expect when
As your child gets older she'll learn — and want — to do more things for herself, from tying her shoelaces and taking a bath to making her bed and setting the table. While watching your kindergartner grow increasingly independent can be bittersweet, learning to take care of herself is an important part of her personal and social development.

Skills she'll work at
Dressing and undressing: Kindergartners should be up to the challenge of zippers, buttons, and clasps. And it's at this age that your child will learn how to tie her shoes, though some children don't get the hang of it until around age 6.

Using the toilet: By the time your child enters kindergarten, she should be completely self-sufficient in the bathroom, though she still may not be proficient at wiping.

Taking a bath: Some children this age may want to bathe on their own, though they will need assistance with washing their body and hair. Give your kindergartner the illusion of independence by getting the bathwater ready and then staying in the background, but within earshot in case she needs a hand, says Denise Aloisio, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician in Rochester, New York. Aloisio also recommends that parents lower the temperature on the family's hot-water heater to no more than 120 degrees Fahrenheit, so a child can't accidentally scald herself. And teach your child always to turn the cold water on first.

Preparing breakfast: Five-year-olds should be able to fix themselves cold cereal and pour some juice or milk, but you should still expect some spills.

Packing her backpack: Kindergartners feel very grown up about packing their bag for school. You'll probably need to check, though, to make sure that essentials such as sweaters, raincoats, and lunches are not left out.

Helping out around the house: Children this age can pick up their toys, make their beds, and clean up their bedrooms. They can also lend you and your partner a hand with simple tasks in the kitchen and garden. Many youngsters, for instance, love to stir the brownie mix or water flowers.

What you can do
Always, encouragement is key. Whenever your child tries her hand at a new skill, tell her you're proud she made the effort (regardless of the result) and urge her to try again. Don't always jump in to help; it's essential that she have enough time to master tasks on her own, at her own pace. Try not to pressure her before she's ready, either. Be flexible — if packing her backpack prolongs the process of getting ready for school, build in extra time. If tying her shoelaces seems to take all day, don't sweat it. The more she practices these newfound skills, the more accomplished she'll get. Lastly, try not to do jobs over again after your child. She will notice, for example, if you always remake her bed. You're sending the message that she didn't do it correctly. It's more important for her to get a lot of practice than it is to get it right.

Keep a watchful eye on your child as she experiments with things she hasn't tried before, and explain why she can't do everything for herself. Tell her, for instance, why it's not safe for her to turn on the oven or cut her own bread with the bread knife. She may not be happy about it, but she'll understand.

What to watch out for
Children develop skills differently, some more quickly than others, but if your child actively resists attempting any of the tasks above or shows no interest in learning them, talk to her pediatrician.

What's ahead
As the years roll by, your child will get better and better at taking care of herself. She'll be able to make toast for breakfast, and then it's just a matter of time before she can do laundry and cook dinner, not to mention drive herself to soccer practice.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-The Responsible Child: How to Teach Responsibility (age 5)

What to expect at this age
Though she's increasingly socially aware, your 5-year-old still isn't focusing on contributing to the greater good or understanding her role in the family or in society (after all, she's still the center of the universe, right?). She is, however, ready for more complex chores now, and she can be expected to take care of some tasks without prompting from you. Best of all, giving her regular duties will teach her organization and self-reliance, and her self-esteem will get a boost.

What you can do
Set a good example. One of the best (and hardest) ways to engender responsible behavior is to be a good role model with your own possessions — put your car keys where they belong instead of on the dining room table, and tidy up your stack of magazines instead of leaving them all over the couch.

Choose age-appropriate tasks. Your 5-year-old is ready to handle some jobs that require self-reliance and dependability. She can feed the dog every evening (not just when you ask her to), for example, and put her dirty clothes in the hamper every night at bedtime. She can also start learning to plan ahead if you ask her questions like, "What will you need in your backpack tomorrow at school?" and "What equipment will you need to have at your swim class this afternoon?"

Teach first things first. Your kindergartner probably knows by now that work usually comes before play, but you still need to reinforce this basic rule. "Sure I want to take you to the park!" you can tell her. "But remember, first we need to clean up after lunch." Be friendly and matter-of-fact about it, and admit that you prefer the fun, too — then she'll understand that you're not just being bossy, but are simply expecting her to behave responsibly.

Make the job a game. Remember learning about barn-raising parties, where the whole village would help a family build a barn, and then everyone would share a feast? We all enjoy tasks more when they're fun, social occasions. Your 5-year-old will love helping you water the garden if she can also jump in any puddles that collect. If you challenge her to a race to see who can put the books back on the shelf the fastest, chances are she'll speed through the chore.

Try not to scold. It's tough to keep your cool when your child repeatedly fails to do what's expected of her. But lectures and punishments rarely work — at least not over the long haul — and they won't teach her any self-discipline. Instead, try getting your point across with humor. Kindergartners have a lot of fun with "Let's pretend." Rather than scolding her for leaving her cereal bowl on the floor for the dog to lick clean, come back to the topic later that day and say, "Okay, let's pretend this is an empty bowl from breakfast. What can we do with it? We can...put it on our heads! Is that a good idea? No. Okay, we can...throw it in the bathtub! No? Okay, we can...put it in the sink!" She'll not only enjoy the silliness of this game, she'll also learn to compare and evaluate possible solutions.

Change the cues. One of the most frustrating aspects of parenthood is having to repeat the same thing every day (or several times a day!). "How often do I have to tell you to hang up your coat?" we yell when our youngster enters the house and immediately dumps her clothes on the chair. We may not realize that she's learned to respond to our verbal cue, even if it's a negative one. "This is when it's time to rewind the tape," says Paul Coleman, a father, psychologist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids. "Tell your child, 'Go back outside. Good, now come back in, and hang the coat up when you come in.' Cheer when she does it. The stimulus of coming in the door becomes the cue, rather than your verbal request. And teaching her new behavior can actually be fun."

Expect ups and downs. "Kids are going to mess up. That's part of being a kid," says Coleman. "But you can usually get more compliance when they realize there's a pattern." So try not to express anger or disappointment if your 5-year-old is having an off day. Just say to her calmly, "Remember, you always feed the dog right before we set the table."

Keep a record. Visual evidence works well with this age group. So try using a wall chart that lists chores, and add a sticker every time your child does hers. When she's earned ten stickers, she gets to watch a special video or invite a friend over. This kind of record-keeping acts as an incentive but not a bribe. It also provides concrete proof of her efforts and boosts her pride in them.

Phrase things in a positive way. Jerry Wyckoff, a family psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues, suggests using what he calls "Grandma's rule" to encourage responsible behavior. "Grandma's rule makes it clear that your household has rules that everyone follows," says Wyckoff. So instead of issuing an ultimatum ("If you don't, then you won't"), Grandma's rule says, "When you've done what you have to do, then you get to do what you want to do." If your child says, "My friends are outside. I want go play with them," respond with, "When you've put your clothes away, then you can go outside." Saying, "If you put away your clothes, I'll give you a treat," on the other hand, really just bribes your kindergartner for what should be normal behavior — and it raises the possibility that she'll decide she can live without the treat and thus pass on cleaning up her clothes.

Give her space. Much as you may be tempted to grab your kindergartner's clothes and fold them properly yourself, try to resist. Instead, concentrate more on her efforts than her actual accomplishments. She may not be doing a perfect job, but criticizing her or co-opting her work will only squelch her desire to be responsible. Try making your suggestions gently and with yourself as the example, "You've done a really good job cleaning up. I try to fold my shirts instead of crumpling them up on the shelf, though. That keeps them from getting wrinkled." Your tone will help her get the point without becoming defensive and tuning you out.

Let her take the consequences. As long as the outcome isn't harsh or dangerous, now's the time to begin letting your kindergartner live with the results of the choices she makes. If her job is to pack her backpack for swim class and she forgets her towel, don't "rescue" her by coming up with a spare towel yourself. You can empathize with her discomfort by saying, "I'm sorry you're cold — how can you remember to bring your towel next time?" She may shiver in her wet suit for a few minutes, but she'll remember next time.

Take your child's temperament into account. If your 5-year-old consistently fails to meet her responsibilities, step back and think about whether she needs some extra help. Beginning a project is hard for many kids, and if yours is a bit passive she may need you to help her get started (then step back and let her carry on by herself). If she's easily overwhelmed, make sure your instructions are very clear. If she's the willful type, try to present the task matter-of-factly, not as an order. You might also try challenging her to a contest: "I bet you can't put the silverware away before I put the glasses away."

Pour on the praise. Positive reinforcement will teach your kindergartner that her efforts are important and appreciated. When appropriate, point out exactly how she's helped everyone else: "Great! Now that you've set the table, we can all eat right away. And I know everybody's hungry!"

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parent Center: Chicken Pox ( age 5 to 8)

My child has a spotty red rash all over her chest. Could it be chicken pox?
It could be. Chicken pox, also called varicella, typically causes an itchy rash that starts out as small red bumps. These bumps quickly change into clear, fluid-filled blisters on a pink base, which eventually become dry brown crusts. New waves of blisters often spring up as the illness progresses.

The rash often appears first on the scalp, face, or trunk. It can then spread over the entire body. Children usually get between 250 and 500 blisters, although it's possible to have just a few.

Your child will probably be tired and slightly feverish. She may have a loss of appetite and a mild headache or abdominal pain. For a couple of days before the rash appears, she may have a cough or a runny nose. Chicken pox usually lasts five to ten days.

How did my child get chicken pox?
Chicken pox is caused by the varicella zoster virus, which passes from person to person with remarkable ease. If your child hasn't received the chicken pox vaccine or had the illness herself, she's likely to come down with it if she's exposed to an infected person.

People with chicken pox can pass the virus along by touching someone after touching the blisters or coughing or sneezing onto their hand, or by releasing it into the air whenever they sneeze, cough, or even breathe. The virus can also spread from direct contact with the fluid from the blisters before they crust over.

Once your child has been exposed to the virus, it usually takes 14 to 16 days for the pustules to appear, although they can show up anytime between ten and 21 days.

Is chicken pox dangerous?
For healthy children, chicken pox is usually more of a nuisance than a real threat. On rare occasions, though, even healthy children can develop serious complications from chicken pox, like a bacterial skin infection, pneumonia, or encephalitis, a swelling of the brain.

If your child has chicken pox, call the doctor if she seems sicker than expected, if she develops a fever after the first few days, if the rash spreads to her eyes, or if the skin around the pox becomes swollen, painful, or very red.

If your child has a weakened immune system from a chronic illness such as leukemia or from taking high-dose oral steroids (for asthma, for example), the infection can cause grave complications. Some special protective measures, such as an injection of varicella zoster immune globulin or the varicella vaccine, can only be useful shortly after exposure. If your child's immune system is compromised, call her doctor at the first sign of chicken pox — or even if she's only been exposed to someone who's sick.

Adults who come down with chicken pox can get very sick and are at risk for such complications as bacterial pneumonia. If you're pregnant and have never had chicken pox, read our article on chicken pox during pregnancy and ask your doctor what precautions you should take and what to do if you've been exposed.

What are shingles?
The same virus that causes chicken pox can cause a painful rash called shingles. When a child has chicken pox, the virus remains in the body and can reappear as shingles many years later. This happens to about 1 in 10 adults who had chicken pox earlier in life.

Is there any way to prevent chicken pox?
Yes. A vaccine has been available since 1995, and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children receive the shot at 12 to 15 months of age, with a second dose at 4 to 6 years. Talk with the doctor about a makeup schedule if your child missed her first vaccination, and remember to schedule that second shot.

The vaccine causes few side effects in healthy children and keeps more than 95 percent from getting a serious case of chicken pox. The shot isn't recommended if your child has had a severe allergic reaction to gelatin (yes, the stuff that makes Jell-O hold together), the antibiotic neomycin, or a previous dose of the vaccine.

If your child has cancer or any disease that affects her immune system, has recently had a blood transfusion, or is taking high doses of oral steroids, her doctor will carefully evaluate whether receiving the vaccine would be a good idea.

See our article on the chicken pox vaccine for more information on the pros and cons of the shot.

How should I treat my child's chicken pox?
Keep your child home from daycare and school until all the sores have crusted over to prevent her from spreading the disease and to give her time to recuperate. Unfortunately, children are most contagious the day or two before the rash erupts, usually before parents know their child is sick.

While your child's recuperating, the most comforting thing you can do is relieve the itching. Give her a cool bath every three to four hours. Sprinkle baking soda or colloidal oatmeal (made specifically for the bath) into the water for added relief. (You can also use uncooked oats. Tie them in a cheesecloth bag and toss it in the tub.) After the bath, put calamine lotion on the itchy spots.

It may seem like an impossible task, but try to keep your child from picking and scratching her sores, which can slow the healing process. Sores that aren't allowed to heal can leave scars or lead to skin infections such as impetigo. Keeping your child's nails short can help.

Bring down your child's fever with acetaminophen or ibuprofen. Never give aspirin to your child as it can trigger Reye's syndrome, a rare but potentially deadly condition.

If your child seems really uncomfortable, you might try giving her the proper dose of an over-the-counter children's antihistamine to help reduce the itching.

Doctors can prescribe an antiviral drug called acyclovir to treat chicken pox, but it's not generally recommended for otherwise healthy children. For children with weak immune systems, however, acyclovir can be crucial.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parent Center: Dry Skin(age 5 to 8)

What's making my child's skin so dry?
Children can get dry skin just like adults do. In fact, because young skin is more delicate, it's more susceptible to becoming dry.

Cold, dry outdoor air and indoor heating can rob skin of its natural moisture in the winter. And if your child is prone to dry skin, he'll break out in dry patches in the summer as well, because the summer sun, air conditioning, salt water, and the chlorine in pool water can all be drying.

What can I do about my child's dry skin?
Cut back on bath time
Bathing dries a child's skin because it removes the skin's natural oils along with the dirt. But as long as you take a few precautions, even daily baths shouldn't be a problem, says Seth Orlow, director of pediatric dermatology at New York University School of Medicine.

Instead of a 30-minute bath, cut bath time down to about ten minutes. Use warm water — not hot — and soap up sparingly. In fact, Orlow suggests using a fragrance-free, soap-free cleanser, which is much less harsh than regular soap.

Let your child have his playtime in the tub before washing up, so he won't be sitting in soapy water. And don't leave the cleansing bar floating in the tub. You'll probably want to cut bubble baths out of your child's routine — or at least limit them to special occasions.

While bath oils may seem like a good idea, they can make the tub dangerously slippery, and most of the oil slides down the drain anyway. Applying an emollient after bathing is a better route.

Slather on the moisturizer
Once you take your child out of the bath, quickly and lightly dry him with a towel, then apply moisturizer immediately. Applying the moisturizer within minutes of your child's getting out of the tub will seal in the water that's still in his skin from the bath.

As far as moisturizers go, the general rule is the thicker the better. If your child's skin is still dry even with daily moisturizing, try switching from a lotion to a thicker cream or ointment.

You might also want to consider moisturizing twice a day — once after bathing and once during the day. If your child doesn't have the patience for a midday slather, you might let him listen to a favorite song or watch a video while you apply the moisturizer. Or let him do it himself, if that makes the routine more agreeable.

Don't let salt or chlorine dry on his skin
Chlorine and salt water can both be very drying. After a swim in the pool or ocean, have your child rinse off with tap water, and then apply moisturizer while his skin's still damp.

Keep your child well hydrated
Dry skin lacks water. Offer your child plenty to drink year-round to replace the moisture that's evaporating from his skin.

Keep in mind that drinking a lot won't do anything if you don't moisturize as well. It's like pouring water into a bucket with a hole, says Orlow. Without moisturizer to hold in the water, your child's skin won't properly hydrate.

Run a humidifier
If the air in your home is dry, use a cool mist humidifier in your child's room.

Protect your child from the elements
Make sure your child wears gloves or mittens in cold weather to keep his hands from becoming dry and chapped from the cold and the wind. In summer, take steps to protect him from sunburn.

What's making my child's skin so dry?
Children can get dry skin just like adults do. In fact, because young skin is more delicate, it's more susceptible to becoming dry.

Cold, dry outdoor air and indoor heating can rob skin of its natural moisture in the winter. And if your child is prone to dry skin, he'll break out in dry patches in the summer as well, because the summer sun, air conditioning, salt water, and the chlorine in pool water can all be drying.

What can I do about my child's dry skin?
Cut back on bath time
Bathing dries a child's skin because it removes the skin's natural oils along with the dirt. But as long as you take a few precautions, even daily baths shouldn't be a problem, says Seth Orlow, director of pediatric dermatology at New York University School of Medicine.

Instead of a 30-minute bath, cut bath time down to about ten minutes. Use warm water — not hot — and soap up sparingly. In fact, Orlow suggests using a fragrance-free, soap-free cleanser, which is much less harsh than regular soap.

Let your child have his playtime in the tub before washing up, so he won't be sitting in soapy water. And don't leave the cleansing bar floating in the tub. You'll probably want to cut bubble baths out of your child's routine — or at least limit them to special occasions.

While bath oils may seem like a good idea, they can make the tub dangerously slippery, and most of the oil slides down the drain anyway. Applying an emollient after bathing is a better route.

Slather on the moisturizer
Once you take your child out of the bath, quickly and lightly dry him with a towel, then apply moisturizer immediately. Applying the moisturizer within minutes of your child's getting out of the tub will seal in the water that's still in his skin from the bath.

As far as moisturizers go, the general rule is the thicker the better. If your child's skin is still dry even with daily moisturizing, try switching from a lotion to a thicker cream or ointment.

You might also want to consider moisturizing twice a day — once after bathing and once during the day. If your child doesn't have the patience for a midday slather, you might let him listen to a favorite song or watch a video while you apply the moisturizer. Or let him do it himself, if that makes the routine more agreeable.

Don't let salt or chlorine dry on his skin
Chlorine and salt water can both be very drying. After a swim in the pool or ocean, have your child rinse off with tap water, and then apply moisturizer while his skin's still damp.

Keep your child well hydrated
Dry skin lacks water. Offer your child plenty to drink year-round to replace the moisture that's evaporating from his skin.

Keep in mind that drinking a lot won't do anything if you don't moisturize as well. It's like pouring water into a bucket with a hole, says Orlow. Without moisturizer to hold in the water, your child's skin won't properly hydrate.

Run a humidifier
If the air in your home is dry, use a cool mist humidifier in your child's room.

Protect your child from the elements
Make sure your child wears gloves or mittens in cold weather to keep his hands from becoming dry and chapped from the cold and the wind. In summer, take steps to protect him from sunburn.

Could dry skin be a sign of some other kind of condition?
If your child has itchy red patches on his skin, it's possible he has eczema, also known as atopic dermatitis. Sometimes even eczema will clear up with regular moisturizing, though, so you needn't rush to the doctor unless the patches don't get better or your child is itchy or uncomfortable.

In rare cases, dry skin can indicate a genetic condition called ichthyosis. Ichthyosis shows up as dry skin with scaling and, occasionally, redness. It's also generally accompanied by a thickening of the palms of the hands and the soles of the feet. If your doctor suspects that your child has ichthyosis, she'll probably refer you to a dermatologist for treatment.

Should I talk with the doctor about my child's dry skin?
At your child's next doctor's visit, ask for recommendations for battling dry skin. Schedule a visit if you think your child has signs of eczema or ichthyosis (above). Also call for an appointment if your child's skin doesn't improve with home treatments or you see any signs of an infection, like a yellow discharge or swelling around a crack in his skin.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parent Center: Eczema (age 5 to 8)

My child has scaly, itchy red patches on his skin. What is this ugly rash?
It sounds like eczema (also called atopic dermatitis), a skin rash that tends to appear in a child's first five years. At this age, eczema is most likely to show up on the arms, legs, and trunk, but it can also affect other parts of the body. Your child's rash might look like dry, thickened, scaly skin, or it might be made up of tiny red bumps that can blister, ooze, or become infected if scratched.

Eczema isn't contagious, but because it's intensely itchy, scratching can be a problem. And the rash can be unsightly, so it may present a social challenge for your child as well.

What causes eczema?
No one knows for sure, but we do know that the tendency to have eczema is often inherited. So your child is more likely to have it if you or a close family member has had eczema, asthma, or allergies.

Eczema is not an allergic reaction to a substance, but it can be provoked by allergens in your child's diet or environment. The rash can also be aggravated by heat, irritants that come in contact with your child's skin (like wool or the chemicals in some soaps, lotions, and detergents), changes in temperature, and dry skin.

How common is eczema in children?
About 20 percent of infants and young children have eczema. It usually starts in infancy, with 65 percent of patients developing symptoms in the first year of life and 90 percent developing symptoms before age 5. In about 60 percent of cases, the condition persists into adulthood.

What can I do to treat my child's eczema?
Taking good care of your child's skin is crucial. Here are some tips:

• Try to keep your child's skin from becoming too dry. Talk with his doctor about how often to bathe him. Many experts now believe that daily bathing can be helpful for children with eczema. Just don't make the water too warm, because very warm water dries out the skin faster than lukewarm water.

Use mild soaps, and have your child wash and shampoo at the end of his bath so he isn't sitting in soapy water. As soon as you get your child out of the tub, pat his skin dry (don't rub), and then apply plenty of moisturizing ointment, cream, or lotion within the first few minutes.

• Allow your child's skin to breathe (and not become overheated) by dressing him in smooth natural fabrics, like cotton. Avoid wool and other scratchy materials, which can irritate his very sensitive skin.

• Switch to mild, fragrance-free soaps and shampoos, or those made for sensitive skin. Use mild, fragrance-free detergent for washing your child's clothes and bedding.

• Rapid changes in temperature can make eczema worse, so try not to let your child get too hot and then cool quickly, or vice versa.

• Pollen, dust mites, and animal dander can also trigger or worsen eczema. You may want to consult an allergist, who can provide tips on how to reduce allergens in your home. These may include more efficient ways of vacuuming and dusting, using air filters, and possibly getting rid of carpets and upholstered furniture.

• Help your child avoid scratching. He may try to get relief by scratching with his hands or by rubbing his face against his sheet when he sleeps. But scratching and rubbing can further irritate or inflame his skin and make matters much worse.

Use the softest sheets possible on his bed, and keep his nails short. Put him to bed with cotton mittens or socks on his hands, if he'll tolerate them.

If your child has a lot of trouble sleeping because of the itching, talk with his doctor. She may suggest an antihistamine that will cut down on the itchy feeling and make your child more drowsy, too.

• During a flare-up, you can try applying cool compresses to the affected area, followed by a moisturizer.

Could my child's eczema be caused by a certain food?
Eczema is not a specific allergy, but in some children, certain allergenic foods can trigger eczema or make it worse.

If you or your doctor suspects that your child's eczema is affected by certain foods, the mostly likely culprits are cow's milk and eggs, followed by soy, wheat, peanuts, and fish. You may want to try eliminating suspect foods from your child's diet one at a time, giving each test a couple of weeks because it can take that long to get all traces of the food out of your child's system.

Keep in mind that while food may be a trigger in as many as 30 percent of children with eczema, it's the main trigger in only about 10 percent of eczema cases. You'll still want to be conscientious about skin care and other factors.

What should I do if the rash doesn't get better?
Talk with your child's doctor or a pediatric dermatologist. If the rash doesn't get better with the suggestions above, your doctor might suggest trying mild topical steroids, which can be bought over the counter. A steroid cream or ointment sometimes works wonders to help break a stubborn cycle of eczema.

A short course of oral steroid medication can help get eczema enough under control that the other methods you try will work more effectively. Researchers are developing new drugs to help eczema sufferers, like topical immunomodulators, so if your child continues to struggle with the condition, ask his doctor to keep you up-to-date on remedies.

Be sure to give the doctor a call if your child develops a fever or other signs that he may have an infection (the area is warm to the touch or oozing, for example).

You may also want to talk with your child's teachers about his eczema. Explain that the rash is not contagious, but that it may provoke teasing of your child.

Encourage your child to talk about his feelings related to his eczema, and be a good listener. If you think he needs more help, talk with his doctor about support groups or counseling.

Will my child always have eczema?
Maybe. Many kids outgrow eczema, but there's no way to know ahead of time.

The good news is that the condition usually becomes less severe with age. And there are ways to manage it. By following the measures mentioned above and treating any flare-ups immediately, you can help keep your child's eczema under control.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Cookbooks For Feeding Fussy Eaters (age 5 to 8)

Your child may prefer to live on chicken fingers and American cheese slices, but you'd feel better if she were eating a more balanced diet. Unfortunately, just because you manage to get all the food groups onto a plate at mealtime doesn't mean they're going to make it into the hungry mouth of your little one. If you've got a fussy eater, consider one of these kid-tested cookbooks below. Some even offer recipes that your youngster can help you make.

One Bite Won't Kill You
By Ann Hodgman and Roz Chast, illustrator. (1999, Houghton Mifflin Co., $15. Reading level: Adult)

The title of this book is a promise kept by the fun recipes inside. Author and mother of two fussy eaters, Ann Hodgman delivers comforting foods that will satisfy kids' finicky palates and save tired cooks by relying on ready-made ingredients like canned soup or muffin mix. Packed with recipes, anecdotes about teaching kids to broaden their culinary horizons, and hysterical cartoons and illustrations by New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast, one look at this book will make it a favorite.

Pretend Soup and Other Real Recipes: A Cookbook for Preschoolers & Up
By Mollie Katzen and Ann L. Henderson (1994, Tricycle Press, $17. Reading level: Ages 4 to 8)

Inviting your child into the kitchen to help prepare meals is one way to quell the demands of a finicky eater. Vegetarian foodie Mollie Katzen (author of The Moosewood Cookbook) and educator Ann Henderson have teamed up to create a kid-friendly, nutritionally mindful, and parent-perfect book. Each of the 19 recipes starts with individual instructions for both the adult and child, is illustrated with cute animals, and includes insider reviews from kids who have tried the recipes and give them a thumbs-up. Kids will love the easy-to-follow step-by-step illustrations.

Brown Bag Success: Making Healthy Lunches Your Kids Won't Trade
By Sandra K. Nissenberg and Barbara N. Pearl (1997, John Wiley & Sons, $10. Reading level: Ages 9 to 12)

There you are, carefully crafting brown bag lunches for your children, and just a few hours later, they're picking them over and discarding the contents. Written at a level kids can understand, the book offers plenty of recipes for fun, packable lunches, like cheese and flour tortilla triangles and ham and cheese pinwheels, along with nutritional tips and hints on getting out the door in the morning with minimal stress.

Healthy Snacks for Kids
By Penny Warner (1995, Nitty Gritty Cookbooks, $9. Reading level: Adult)

If your child's appetite seems to surge without warning, this book will help you produce tasty, fun, and nutritious snacks in a snap. Recipes like Corny Pudding and Monkey Bars sneak healthy ingredients into foods that will keep your kids happy, too. Warner also includes a food pyramid for each recipe with main ingredients highlighted to make nutritional choices easy.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Lowdown On Children's Vitamins (age5 to 8)

Should I give my grade-schooler a vitamin supplement?
Experts disagree on whether a daily multivitamin/mineral supplement is a good idea for all children. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), for example, advises giving your child a supplement only if your pediatrician recommends one. Because so many common foods are fortified, most children don't need supplements, the AAP argues. On the other hand, the AAP acknowledges that a multivitamin/mineral supplement won't hurt as long as it doesn't exceed the recommended daily allowance (RDA) for any vitamin or mineral. Other experts say that a daily supplement is a good way to fill in any gaps in your child's nutrition.

Most experts do agree that:

• As long as you don't overdose your child on supplements (exceed the RDA for any one vitamin or mineral), a daily won't hurt.

• Some children — like vegetarians, or those with sensitivities to certain foods, for example — might need a vitamin/mineral supplement to meet their RDAs.

• Supplements are not a substitute for good food, and they should never be used to justify a poor diet. If your child isn't eating well, give him a supplement, but also take steps to improve his eating habits.

The bottom line is that if you're concerned that your grade-schooler isn't getting a balanced diet by meeting all the requirements in the Food Guide Pyramid, a multivitamin/mineral supplement is probably a good idea. Just don't give your child more than one a day or neglect to focus on good nutrition at the same time.

Shoul I give my grade-schooler a vitamin if he's a picky eater?
If your child's a great eater, meaning that he averages a minimum number of servings from each of the food groups in the Food Guide Pyramid, congratulations! But if you're concerned that he's lacking in any area — because he won't put anything green in his mouth or because he goes on food jags when he seems to eat nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for days — then you might want to give him a supplement for your peace of mind.

It provides a little extra insurance that he's getting what he needs, says Debby Demory-Luce, a registered dietitian with the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Agricultural Research Service, a nutrition arm of the agency, and an instructor of pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine. As long as you give your grade-schooler just one daily multi, he won't "overdose" on a particular vitamin, even if he's already getting more than he needs of any vitamin from his food.

What kind of vitamin should I give my child?
Any generic type of children's multivitamin/mineral (chewable or liquid form) will do, unless your grade-schooler has special needs. For example, if your child is a vegetarian, you'll want to make sure that the supplement contains vitamin B12, which will be lacking in his diet. And if your doctor has decided that your child is anemic, she may recommend a supplement with a particular amount of iron.

Note that supplements often don't contain 100 percent of every vitamin and mineral, so you'll still want to make sure your child gets the needed vitamin or mineral from food sources. If your grade-schooler doesn't drink milk or eat enough dairy, for example, and only gets about 15 to 20 percent of the RDA for calcium from his supplement, then you'll need to find other, food-based sources, such as calcium-fortified orange juice.

An important caution: Smaller children often view vitamins as candy and may eat several at a time if given the opportunity. But an overdose of iron, in particular, could be fatal, so treat vitamins as medicines. Make sure the caps are childproof, but don't depend on them; always keep them well out of the reach.

Registered dietitian Demory-Luce, mother of two, learned this the hard way: "My youngster got his hands on a bottle of vitamins, opened the safety top, and ate ten vitamins before I got to him," she says. "Luckily, the vitamins didn't have iron in them." Now she keeps vitamins locked away in a cabinet. (To be safe, call poison control if you suspect that your child has taken vitamins on his own, even if they don't contain iron.)

Should I give my grade-schooler more than one vitamin a day if his diet is especially bad one week?
No. There's never any reason to give your child more than the recommended daily dose (usually one pill per day). "Some people think that a little is good but more is better," says Demory-Luce. This is a dangerous way to approach vitamins. Not only could it hurt your child, as with too much iron, but an overdose of certain vitamins could also prevent the absorption of others, creating a nutritional imbalance.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

How To Avoid Making Meals A Power Struggle(age 5 to 8)

How can I avoid arguing with my child over food every time we sit down to a meal?
For many families, sitting down for a meal together often means fighting over food — what's on the menu, who's eating (or not eating) what and how much. But who wants that night after night? To avoid mealtime squabbles, try not to talk about food at the table. Merely serve the meal without comment. Of course, if your child is a picky eater, holding your tongue can require a lot of restraint. But your child will benefit in the long run if you don't harp on her eating habits throughout the meal. "It's your child's decision whether or not to eat, what to eat from what is being offered, and how much of it," says Nancy Hudson, a registered dietitian at the University of California at Berkeley.

But what if my child keeps refusing to eat what I serve?
Your mom may have rewarded you for cleaning your plate with a bowl of ice cream after dinner, but that just taught you that veggies were the punishment and dessert was the reward. Instead, try this approach: Serve at least one food you know your kid likes; don't discuss eating habits; and clear the table when the meal is over — even if your child doesn't eat all her food. If she wants dessert, give it to her without much fanfare, but vary what you serve — some nights dessert is ice cream, some nights it's fruit. And don't make any foods completely off limits. Your child will just end up sneaking those foods at her friends' houses or buying them herself when she has her own money.

How can I be sure my child is eating well enough?
Remember that ultimately, your child is the one in control over what she puts into her body. If you decide for your child when she's hungry or when she's had enough to eat, "She won't learn to recognize when she's hungry and when she's done, and you're setting her up for eating problems later, such as obesity, overeating, or controlling food," says Hudson. "Children are amazingly good at self-regulation. They may eat almost nothing one day, and then the next day they eat a ton of food." But when you look at their consumption over a week or a month's time, they do a pretty good job of getting what they need from different food groups — as long as you offer them a variety from which to choose. So, pull up a chair, relax, and try to enjoy your meal. If you do, your child will, too.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

How To Handle A Picky Eater(age 5 to 8)

Why is my child such a picky eater?
By school age, most children are getting over their fear of trying new foods and their need to constantly assert their independence. Still, an occasional food jag — when your child insists on eating the same foods at every meal while turning up his nose at anything new — is no cause for alarm.

Keep in mind that this age group still appreciates the familiar, whether it's a regular bedtime routine or their peanut butter sandwich cut on the diagonal. And while your child probably isn't still saying "No!" just to assert himself, he still appreciates having some control over his life, including what foods he eats. Your child probably doesn't like having much attention paid to his eating habits, so keep your approach low key. Whatever you do, don't pressure or bribe your child to eat because you'll only run into resistance.

Tips for introducing new foods to a picky eater
Your child has an innate sense of how much food his body needs to grow and be healthy, and it's up to him to decide what he's going to eat. The best thing you can do is to provide a wide variety of healthy foods in a positive, relaxed environment so that mealtimes will be enjoyable for everyone. Here are some specific tips on how to handle a picky eater:

• Provide a variety of good foods for your child to eat at each meal. Your grade-schooler may be happy to try new things, or it may take numerous exposures to a new food before he's willing to give it a go. So be patient. When you do offer a new food, simply place it on the dinner table with everything else, and don't make a big deal about it. Don't put it right on your child's plate; let him choose it for himself. He might dig right in, or he may warm up to it eventually, after seeing you eat it a few times.

• Don't give your grade-schooler too many options at mealtime. If you say "It's dinnertime. What would you like to eat?" your child will probably choose something familiar, and he'll seem like a picky eater, says Hudson. However, if you say, "Here's dinner," he'll have to choose from among the foods you're offering. Of course, you won't want to offer an entire meal of unfamiliar foods because your child simply won't eat them. Instead, always offer a meal that includes at least one thing you know your child likes.

• When presenting new foods, don't offer them in large quantities. If by some miracle your child is willing to try a new food, give him just a taste and let him ask for more before putting a whole serving on his plate. This way he won't feel overwhelmed, and it won't seem like a waste of food to you if he doesn't eat it. And try to present new foods when he's hungry — like slices of mango when he has the afternoon munchies.

• Keep in mind that some children's palates are more sensitive than others', and they simply won't like the texture, color, or taste of some foods. That's why a child might claim to dislike a food he has never even tried. Likewise, some children may reject a food because it reminds them of a time when they were sick, or because it has some other negative association. If your grade-schooler complains that a particular food will make him sick, stop serving that food for a while. You can always try again when he's a little older.

• If you send a packed lunch to school, give your child some choices about what goes in it, but also include a fun surprise now and then. An exciting lunch is more likely to be eaten.

• Whenever possible, involve your grade-schooler in food decisions and preparations, including shopping and making meals and snacks. (And if he can help you grow some of the family's produce in the yard, so much the better!) This will give him a sense of control over his diet. And he'll be more likely to eat something that he's chosen or helped make for himself. (This works best if you let your child choose from a small selection of foods you've already picked out rather than just asking what he wants for dinner.) Make fun, healthful treats together, like yogurt-and-fruit banana splits or smoothies.

• Look for ways to boost the nutritional value of the foods your grade-schooler enjoys. Put some tuna or ham on his grilled cheese, or meat or tofu in his spaghetti sauce, for example.

• Teach your grade-schooler (without lecturing) about good nutrition. Put a food chart on the refrigerator and have him color in the requirements as he meets them each day, and mention nonchalantly that his oatmeal will help him run and jump better at school today.

• Keep in mind that many children are less picky eaters when they're away from home. So as your child's world expands and he begins attending school, his palate may broaden as well.

An extra word about breakfast: Research shows that kids who eat breakfast do better academically and socially at school. So it's worth putting some effort into finding healthy foods that your child will eat before heading out the door in the morning. Be open to foods that aren't traditional breakfast foods — like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk or an egg taco — if that's what your child prefers.

How can I get my child to eat a wider variety of foods?
It's unrealistic to expect a grade-schooler to eat a wide range of foods. In the long run, the example you set by serving and enjoying all sorts of healthy foods — at home and on the go — is one of the best ways to help your child learn to eat well. But for now, try to remember that your child's choice to eat only a few foods is just that — his choice, and it's important to let him learn to make his own decisions about food.

"A child needs to be in control of what he eats," says Nancy Hudson, a registered dietitian at the University of California, Berkeley. If you force a child to eat a food he doesn't like ("You'll sit at the table until you finish your peas"), or more than he wants, you could be setting him up for problems later: Children who are never allowed to make food decisions for themselves (such as deciding when they're full) are at a greater risk for developing eating disorders or becoming obese later in life. What's more, your strategy will almost always backfire because forcing your child to try new foods will only make him more stubborn and less open to trying new things in the future.

If your grade-schooler seems to be eating nothing but macaroni and cheese for days on end, don't worry. Start keeping a record of what your child eats — you'll probably find that he's hitting all the major food groups and getting the nutrients he needs over the course of a week. Studies from the American Dietetic Association show that children — even those whose parents consider them "picky eaters" — generally consume a wide enough variety of foods to meet their nutritional requirements. If you really don't think your child is eating well, you could give your grade-schooler a daily multivitamin.

How can I tell whether my child is really getting enough to eat if he's not growing?
Don't panic if it seems like your grade-schooler isn't growing fast enough. Children don't always grow at a steady pace, and there will be times when your child doesn't seem to be growing at all. Keep in touch with your doctor if you're concerned, but don't convey your fears to your child. If you're constantly hovering at mealtime, wheedling, cajoling, and counting calories, he's likely to become even more resistant to eating.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

How To Teach Your Kindergartner To Share (age 5)

What to expect at this age
For the most part, kindergartners are good at sharing. They understand and even act on empathy, they're developing friendships, and they like to please others. They have learned many of the rules of social interaction, so unless they're having a bad day (or going through a rough patch), they generally share pretty well — so well, in fact, that they may come home from school with a classmate's shoes on, because they're "sharing."

Some kindergartners, though, aren't convinced that sharing is such a good thing. This is a matter of temperament. "Kids who are more easily irritated by changes or difficult circumstances sometimes have a hard time sharing," says Susanne Denham, a developmental psychology professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. Others have trouble sharing new toys or things that are in short supply (like playground swings).

What to do
Talk it up. Your kindergartner is old enough to engage in a discussion about sharing, so talk about the issue and problem-solve together: "Let's say Ginny comes over and wants to try out your new glitter paints. What will you tell her?" If your youngster is reluctant to share her art supplies, ask her, "How can we avoid a problem?" or "What can you do so that Ginny isn't disappointed?" Maybe she'll suggest putting away the paints before Ginny arrives or decide to let her pal try one of her new colors, along with all of the old ones. In your conversation, point out to your child how sharing will help her build friendships, something of paramount importance to her now.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your kindergartner that she's selfish, discipline her when she doesn't share, or force her to hand over a prized possession, you'll foster resentment, not generosity. "To encourage sharing, use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment," advises Roni Leiderman, Ph.D., associate dean of the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. In other words, when she does share, be sure to compliment her.

Respect your kindergartner's things. If your youngster feels that her clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely she'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow her colored pencils, and give her the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, friends, and babysitters respect her things too, by asking if they can use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your kindergartner to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with her. Offer her your scarf, and ask to try on her new barrette. Use the word share to describe what you're doing, and don't forget to remind her that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let her see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

Teach her what not to share. Once she gets the hang of it, your kindergartner may be so eager to spread the wealth that you'll need to teach her that some items — like her toothbrush, comb, hat, and shoes — are best kept to herself.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity (age 5)

What to expect at this age
Sharing is the cornerstone of generosity for 5-year-olds, and it still doesn't come easily. Kids this age focus on what it will "cost" them to share. But because their friends' approval is so important to them, they're also starting to understand the benefits of generous behavior in making and maintaining friendships. Kindergartners are learning, too, that generosity means more than just sharing toys and treats. Without parental prompting, they're beginning to realize how other people feel, at least some of the time, and they can learn that generosity includes helping those in need.

What you can do
Demonstrate generosity. Your 5-year-old takes his cues from you, and when he consistently sees you being generous he'll want to copy your behavior. Don't hesitate to explain your own unselfish decisions aloud: "I got two copies of this book for my birthday. I could bring one back to the store and get a different book. But I know my friend Anne wants to read it, so I think I'll give it to her."

Discuss other people's wants and needs. "You're trying to socialize your kindergartner to see a world bigger than himself," says Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children. Begin by teaching him to think about friends and family members. When he says, "I want ice cream for dessert tonight!" you can reply, "I know your friend Sam likes ice cream too. We haven't seen him in a while — shall we invite him over to share some with us?"

"That way, you're not just saying, 'Hey, don't be selfish!'" says Dosick. "You're saying, in the gentlest way, 'Be aware of the needs of others.'"

Show that you disapprove of selfishness. Reprimands that are firm and consistent, but not harsh, will teach your 5-year-old the family stance on generosity. "I don't like it when you keep all the toy soldiers for yourself," you can say. "In our family, we share. Please let your brother have some of them too." Try not to resort to punishment, though. It'll probably make him more defiant, not more generous.

Pile on the praise. Whenever your kindergartner does share, tell him how happy it makes you. "You're so nice to share your Halloween candy with me!" you can say. Or "I'm so proud of you for sharing your special markers with your sister." He'll be happy that he pleased you, and eventually generous behavior will come more naturally to him.

Set some toys aside. It isn't easy to share everything. After all, "You wouldn't necessarily want your neighbor to drive your new car," points out Paul Coleman, a psychologist, family therapist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids. If friends are coming over, your 5-year-old may need to designate some possessions as off-limits for sharing. Explain which toys will be for all the kids to use, and which — like his new microscope — he doesn't have to let his little sister, or even his best friend, play with.

Let your kindergartner learn from his peers. The best way for him to learn to share is for his friends to teach him — and they will! Try not to get involved in every battle over toys; kids eventually learn how to compromise when they realize selfish behavior drives away playmates.

Be a volunteer. To teach your kindergartner generosity on the community level, get involved in a charitable activity, whether it's helping at a soup kitchen or taking holiday cookies to a nursing home. Bring your child along so he can see how real people benefit from your actions. Having witnessed such generosity at work, many 5-year-olds are inspired to volunteer themselves. Encourage your child if he wants to join a fundraising walkathon or take toys to the children's wing of your local hospital, and let him know you're proud of his actions.

Look for the reasons behind his stinginess. If being generous remains a major obstacle for your kindergartner, examine other issues in his life. Has your family just moved? Is his best friend away on a long vacation, or has a favorite pet recently died? Sometimes a 5-year-old will react to tough transitions by clinging more tightly to a beloved possession or selfish behavior. In that case, "He's just holding onto something because he needs an extra security blanket," Coleman explains. Try not to get frustrated. Give him the time and support he needs to work through what's really bothering him, and save the sharing lessons for later.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Respectful Child: How To Teach Respect (age 5)

What to expect at this age
Five-year-olds aren't exactly models of respectful behavior — in fact, it often seems as though their whole purpose in life is to get your goat. That's perfectly normal, according to Jane Nelsen, an education specialist and the coauthor of Positive Discipline A—Z. "They're testing their power," she says. "Frankly, I worry about kids who don't do this!"

Despite the need for feeling their oats, 5-year-olds are ripe for learning good manners. So don't wait to begin teaching your child the importance of respect.

What you can do
Demonstrate respectful behavior. "We don't generally give our children the kind of respect that we demand from them," says Jerry Wyckoff, a psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. "We get confused because often, our upbringing makes us equate respect with fear. 'I really respected my father because I knew he'd hit me if ... ' That's not respect — that's fear." Instead, begin by listening. It can be hard to wait patiently for a 5-year-old to have his say, but it's worth it. Get down on his level, look him in the eye, and let him know you're interested in what he's telling you. It's the best way to teach him to listen to you just as carefully.

Teach polite responses. Your kindergartner can show caring and respect for others through good manners. As soon as he can communicate verbally, he can learn to say "please" and "thank you." Explain that you'd rather help him when he's polite to you, and that you don't like it when he orders you around. Again, being respectful yourself works better than lecturing. Say "please" and "thank you" regularly to your child (and others), and he'll learn that the phrases are part of normal communication, both within your family and in public.

Avoid overreacting. If your child calls you a "butthead," try not to get upset (hey, at least you don't have cooties!). A kindergartner who wants to provoke a reaction will endure almost any unpleasantness just to get a rise out of you. Instead, get face to face and say quietly but firmly, "We don't call each other names in our family." Then show him how to get what he wants by being respectful: "When you want me to play with you, just ask me nicely. Say, 'Dad, will you please come and build a tower with me right now?'"

Expect disagreements. Life would be much easier if our children always happily complied with our requests, but that's not human nature. Try to remember that when your youngster won't do your bidding, he isn't trying to be disrespectful — he just has a different opinion.

Teach him that he'll fare better if he can learn to stop expressing himself disrespectfully ("You never take me for bike rides, and I hate you!") and instead learns to put a positive spin on his requests ("Can we please go bike riding after the grocery store?").

Set limits. "One of the best ways to demonstrate respect is to be both kind and firm in your discipline," says Nelsen. "Being kind shows respect for your child, and being firm shows respect for what needs to be done."

So if your kindergartner throws a fit in the video store, and none of your coping tactics work, what do you do? "Kindly but firmly take him out to the car, and sit and read a book or magazine until he's done," advises Nelsen. Then you can say calmly, "Now you're ready to try again," and return to the store. He'll learn that a temper tantrum doesn't change the fact that errands have to get done.

Talk it over later. Sometimes the best way to handle disrespectful behavior is to discuss it with your child later, when you've both had a chance to cool off. You can validate his feelings and make your point by saying, "Honey, I could tell you were very upset. What do you think caused that? What ideas do you have to solve the problem? What would be a more respectful way to tell me how you're feeling?"

"If a child knows you're really curious about his thinking, it's amazing," says Nelsen. "He'll often come to the same conclusion you would."

Praise respectful behavior. Reinforce your kindergartner's impromptu displays of politeness as much as possible. But be specific. "The praise should describe the behavior in detail," Wyckoff emphasizes. "We tend to say, 'good girl,' 'good boy,' 'good job.'" Instead, say, "Thank you for saying please when you asked for a snack," or "Thank you for asking my permission before you borrowed the tape from my desk." Be explicit, and your child will quickly learn that his efforts are worthwhile and appreciated.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Caring Child: How To Teach Empathy (age 5 to 6)

What to expect at this age
Kids don't have the cognitive skills to truly understand the concept of empathy until they're 8 or 9. But 5-year-olds, usually highly preoccupied with fairness, are concerned about being treated well, and they want others — friends, strangers, even characters in books — to be treated well too. Here's how to nurture these budding displays of empathy.

What you can do
Label the feeling. Your kindergartner will be able to understand and manage her emotions much better if she can recognize her feelings. So put a name to her behavior as often as you can. Say, for instance, "It was very kind of you to talk to that boy who was all alone on the swing. He might have been feeling lonely." By hearing that you noticed her behavior, she'll learn that you recognize and value her responsiveness. She needs to understand negative emotions, too, so don't be afraid to calmly point out when your 5-year-old's being less than caring. Try saying, "It made your baby brother really sad when you grabbed his rattle. What could you do to help him feel better?"

Another way to teach your kindergartner to understand and define her emotions is to have a "feeling of the week." Each week, put up on the refrigerator or bulletin board a picture of someone experiencing a basic emotion — sadness, happiness, surprise, anger. Work your way up to more complicated emotions, such as frustration, nervousness, and jealousy (clip magazine photos or illustrations that capture these feelings). Talk with your child about times when she felt the same way.

Praise empathetic behavior. When your kindergartner performs an act of kindness, tell her what she did right, and be as specific as possible: "You were very generous to share your special stickers with Tommy. I saw him smiling, and I know he was happy."

Encourage your kindergartner to talk about her feelings — and yours. Let her know that you care about how she feels by listening intently. If she has a story about someone else ("Tommy got in trouble for shoving Therese, and I don't think that was fair"), listen to her views before offering your own. And when she says she's mad, paraphrase what she says — "Oh, you're feeling grumpy today?" — so she knows you're listening and feels encouraged to elaborate.

Similarly, share your own feelings with her: "It makes me feel bad when you yell at me. Let's think of another way for you to tell me you're angry." This is also a fine time to share some of your feelings that don't relate to your child's actions. You can say, "I'm frustrated that I didn't meet my deadline at work today" or "I got annoyed with Aunt Mary today, just like you get mad at your sister. But we're still friends." Your 5-year-old will learn that adults have feelings and emotions too, that they're a normal part of life, and that learning to cope with them is an important part of growing up.

Point out other people's behavior. Teach your kindergartner to notice when someone else has behaved kindly. You might say, for example, "Remember how friendly your new teacher was on the first day of school? She helped you feel less scared." By doing this, you reinforce her understanding of how people's actions can affect her emotionally. Books also provide wonderful opportunities to explore emotions. Ask your 5-year-old how she thinks the children in a fairy tale are feeling, and whether she thinks she'd be scared or brave in the same situation. Tell her how you might feel too.

Teach nonverbal cues. At the playground or park, find a quiet place where you and your 5-year-old can sit and observe others without being rude. Play a game of guessing what other people are feeling, and explain the specific reasons for your own guesses: "See that man? He's walking really quickly and his shoulders are hunched, and he's making a mean face. I think he's angry about something."

Teach basic rules of politeness. Good manners are a great way for your kindergartner to show caring and respect for others. "Please" and "thank you" are phrases 5-year-olds should use automatically. Explain that you're more inclined to hand over her sandwich when she asks for it politely and that you don't like it when she orders you around. Even if these phrases sound rote at times, they teach kids how important it is to treat others with respect. Of course, being polite to her is worth a thousand rules and explanations. Say "please" and "thank you" regularly to your kindergartner and to others, and she'll learn that these phrases are part of normal communication, both at home and out in public.

Don't use anger to control your child. Though it's easy to get upset when she sneaks the candy you told her not to eat before dinner, try not to use anger as a tool to manage her behavior. "When you say, 'I'm really mad at you,' children shut down and withdraw," says Jerry L. Wyckoff, a psychologist and coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. Teaching by instruction and example is much more effective, although it's important to let your child know you're disappointed. Instead of getting angry, take a moment to calm yourself down. Then say firmly, "I know you wanted that candy, but it upsets me that you ignored what I told you. Now you won't be allowed to have dessert tonight."

Give your kindergartner jobs. Research suggests that children who learn responsibility also learn altruism and caring. Five-year-olds can take over simple jobs, such as feeding the dog or clearing the dinner table. Don't forget to pile on the praise for a job well done and point out that your child's actions benefit everyone: "Thanks for remembering to set the table. We're all really hungry, and you've helped us sit down to dinner a lot faster."

Ask her to think of others. Each day is full of opportunities to remind your 5-year-old to think about how someone else might feel. "It's simple — say you're in the grocery store and your child asks for some licorice. Say, 'Sure. Now, do you think your little sister would like us to bring home a treat for her?'" suggests Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethnical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children.

Pay attention to your child's social life. Asking specific questions about people in her daily life reinforces the importance of social relationships and treating people well. Questions such as "Who did you play with at recess today?" and "What did you talk to Tommy about on the bus?" can lead to discussions about treating others with respect and kindness.

Involve your kindergartner in charitable activities. Acts of kindness and charity are an excellent way to teach her empathy. When you take a meal to a sick neighbor or a friend with a new baby, let her help plan the menu. She can pack a bag of clothes to donate to a local charity and choose some of the toys she's outgrown to give as well. Help her write a thank-you letter to Grandma for a birthday present. Explain that sometimes people need extra help, don't have the basics that they need, or would just feel happy to receive a sign of appreciation.

Expect the same behavior from boys and girls. Our society commonly considers men to be less empathetic than women. So sometimes, even without realizing it, we demand and praise empathetic behavior less often in boys than in girls. As Wyckoff says, "We set up this 'boy code' that goes on and on throughout their lives — 'I gotta be tough.' But if we're careful to teach them, boys can learn empathy just like girls."

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com