How To Teach Your Grade-Schooler To Share (age 6 to 8)

What to expect at this age
For the most part, grade-schoolers are good at sharing. They understand and even act on empathy, they're caught up in friendships, and they like to please others. They have mastered most of the rules of social interaction, so unless they're having a bad day (or going through a rough patch), they share pretty well —so well, in fact, that they may come home from school with a classmate's shoes on, because they're "sharing."

Some grade-schoolers, though, aren't convinced that sharing is such a good thing. This is a matter of temperament. "Kids who are more easily irritated by changes or difficult circumstances sometimes have a hard time sharing," says Susanne Denham, a developmental psychology professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. Others have trouble sharing new toys or things that are in short supply (like playground swings).

What to do
Talk it up. Your grade-schooler is old enough to engage in a detailed discussion about sharing, so talk about the issue and problem-solve together: "Let's say Nathan comes over and wants to try out your new glitter paints. What will you tell him?" If your youngster is reluctant to share his art supplies, ask him, "How can we avoid a problem?" or "What can you do so that Nathan isn't disappointed?" Maybe he'll suggest putting away the paints before Nathan arrives or decide to let his pal try one of his new colors, along with all of the old ones. In your discussions, point out to your child how sharing will help him build friendships, something of paramount importance to him now.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your grade-schooler that he's selfish, discipline him when he doesn't share, or force him to hand over a prized possession, you'll foster resentment, not generosity. "To encourage sharing, use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment," advises Roni Leiderman, Ph.D., associate dean of the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. In other words, when he does share, be sure to compliment him.

Respect your grade-schooler's things. If your youngster feels that his clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely he'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow his colored pencils, and give him the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, friends, and babysitters respect his things too, by asking if they can use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your grade-schooler to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with him. Offer to let him listen to a tape on your Walkman. And don't forget to remind him that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let him see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

Teach him what not to share. Once he gets the hang of it, your grade-schooler may be so eager to spread the wealth that you'll need to remind him that some items — like his toothbrush, comb, hat, and shoes — are best kept to himself.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

How To Teach Your Kindergartner To Share (age 5)

What to expect at this age
For the most part, kindergartners are good at sharing. They understand and even act on empathy, they're developing friendships, and they like to please others. They have learned many of the rules of social interaction, so unless they're having a bad day (or going through a rough patch), they generally share pretty well — so well, in fact, that they may come home from school with a classmate's shoes on, because they're "sharing."

Some kindergartners, though, aren't convinced that sharing is such a good thing. This is a matter of temperament. "Kids who are more easily irritated by changes or difficult circumstances sometimes have a hard time sharing," says Susanne Denham, a developmental psychology professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. Others have trouble sharing new toys or things that are in short supply (like playground swings).

What to do
Talk it up. Your kindergartner is old enough to engage in a discussion about sharing, so talk about the issue and problem-solve together: "Let's say Ginny comes over and wants to try out your new glitter paints. What will you tell her?" If your youngster is reluctant to share her art supplies, ask her, "How can we avoid a problem?" or "What can you do so that Ginny isn't disappointed?" Maybe she'll suggest putting away the paints before Ginny arrives or decide to let her pal try one of her new colors, along with all of the old ones. In your conversation, point out to your child how sharing will help her build friendships, something of paramount importance to her now.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your kindergartner that she's selfish, discipline her when she doesn't share, or force her to hand over a prized possession, you'll foster resentment, not generosity. "To encourage sharing, use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment," advises Roni Leiderman, Ph.D., associate dean of the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. In other words, when she does share, be sure to compliment her.

Respect your kindergartner's things. If your youngster feels that her clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely she'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow her colored pencils, and give her the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, friends, and babysitters respect her things too, by asking if they can use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your kindergartner to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with her. Offer her your scarf, and ask to try on her new barrette. Use the word share to describe what you're doing, and don't forget to remind her that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let her see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

Teach her what not to share. Once she gets the hang of it, your kindergartner may be so eager to spread the wealth that you'll need to teach her that some items — like her toothbrush, comb, hat, and shoes — are best kept to herself.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

How To Teach Your Preschooler To Share (age 3 to 4)

What to expect at this age
"You can't have it!" your preschooler shouts as he grabs his toy truck from his playmate. No sooner have you smoothed out that squabble than another erupts. "No!" he yells as his visitor heads toward his rock collection. Why doesn't your child know how to share?

Well, he knows; he just isn't very consistent about doing it. Your preschooler may spend hours a day playing with other children, he can take turns in games, and he's less self-centered than he was a year or two ago. But he's still impulsive and doesn't have a very good grasp of time, so waiting while his playmate takes a turn with a coveted toy is trying for him. On the other hand, many preschoolers love to draw pictures for teachers, make presents for parents, and share snacks with friends. "Preschoolers are just learning that it feels good to give and that it's fun to share with friends," says Roni Leiderman, associate dean of the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. You can sow the seeds of sharing by encouraging these displays of generosity and by gently discouraging your child's less-charitable impulses.

What to do
Make sharing fun. Teach your preschooler cooperative games in which players work together toward a common goal. Do puzzles together, taking turns adding pieces, for instance. Share projects, too: Plant the garden, paint the fence, or hose down the car with him. Finally, give him things to share with his buddies now and then, like a special snack for preschool or a roll of stickers to divvy up during a playdate.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your preschooler that he's selfish, discipline him when he doesn't share, or force him to hand over a prized possession, you'll foster resentment, not generosity. "To encourage sharing, use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment," Leiderman says. Keep in mind, too, that it's okay for your preschooler to hold back certain items. As he matures, he'll learn that sharing with friends — who are becoming increasingly important to him — is more fun than keeping things to himself.

Talk it up. When kids squabble over toys, help them figure out what's really going on. If a friend is holding something back, explain to your child how his buddy might be feeling. For instance: "Josh really likes that toy, and he doesn't want anyone to play with it right now." Help your preschooler put his own feelings into words too. When he's not acting especially generous, ask him what's up. Maybe you'll discover that there's a shortage of train tracks at his preschool or that he especially prizes his Pokémon cards because they were a present from Grandpa.

Teach your preschooler to problem-solve. If your child has a death grip on a toy truck that his playmate wants, chances are he's thinking, "It's either him or me." The concept of sharing the truck may not even have occurred to him. Encourage your preschooler to take turns with the truck (setting a kitchen timer to mark each child's turn may help), reassure him that sharing isn't the same as giving away, and point out that if he shares his toys with friends, they'll be more inclined to share theirs with him.

Set the stage. Before a playdate, ask your preschooler if there's anything he'd rather not share, and help him find a good place to keep those special toys. Then ask him to think of some things that would be fun for him and his visitor to play with together, such as toy walkie-talkies, art and craft supplies, building blocks, and sports equipment. That will put him in a sharing frame of mind when his guest arrives. Ask his pal to bring along a toy or two of his own as well, since your preschooler may be more generous if he's not the only one doing the giving.

Respect your preschooler's things. If your youngster feels that his clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely that he'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow his colored pencils, and give him the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, friends, and babysitters respect his things too, by asking if they can use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your preschooler to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with him. Offer him your scarf to fashion into a superhero's cape, and ask if you can try on his new cap. Use the word share to describe what you're doing, and don't forget to teach him that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let him see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

How To Teach Your 2-year-old To Share

What to expect at this age

"Mine!" your 2-year-old shouts, grabbing a doll from her playmate. No sooner have you smoothed out that squabble than another erupts. "No!" your child yells as her visitor picks up her favorite ball and rolls it across the floor. As far as you're concerned, your kid is acting selfish and bossy, and if she keeps it up she's likely to wind up friendless.

As exasperating as these episodes can be, try to be philosophical about them. Your child is acting in perfect keeping with a 2-year-old's view of the world, in which her own things (or anything that strikes her fancy, for that matter) are an extension of herself. "Two-year-olds are beginning to understand possession, and they are developing a strong sense of self, which make mine and no two of their favorite words," says Roni Leiderman, associate dean of the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.

Of course, some 2-year-olds are happy by nature to give a pal one of their cookies, but most are more possessive. In fact, many 2-year-olds aren't developmentally ready to share. Sure, they can play side by side with other kids if you keep a close eye on them, but expect some inconsistencies with give-and-take. Sharing is a learned activity, and mastering it takes some time. Nonetheless, you can introduce your child now to the merits of sharing, then build on the groundwork you're laying as she gets older.

What to do
Practice taking turns. You flip one page of your child's bedtime book, and she flips the next. Or you stack a block on top of hers, then she stacks another on top of yours. You could also take turns putting puzzle pieces together or pushing a toy car down a ramp. Try give-and-take games, too: You hug her teddy, then give it to her to hug and return to you. You kiss her teddy, then give it to her to kiss, and so on. She'll begin to learn that taking turns and sharing can be fun and that giving up her things doesn't mean she'll never get them back.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your 2-year-old that she's selfish, discipline her when she doesn't share, or force her to hand over a prized possession, you'll encourage resentment, not generosity. "Never punish a child, especially a 2-year-old, for not sharing," says Susanne Denham, Ph.D., developmental psychology professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. "It is, after all, a very personal decision."

Talk it up. Help your child explore the emotions that relate to sharing. If a friend is holding something back, explain to your child how her buddy might be feeling. For instance: "Josie loves her teddy, and she really wants to hug him right now." Help her put her own feelings into words too: "I know you want your doll," or "You're sad because Sofia took your car." Give your child plenty of praise when she does loosen her grip on something. At snack time, for instance, remark on how nicely she and her playmate are divvying up the cookies and point out how much fun it is to share a treat with a friend.

Cheer little steps toward sharing. Two-year-olds sometimes show their possessions — and even let others touch them — without actually letting go of them. "Encourage this 'proto-sharing' by telling your child how nice it is that she's showing her toy," says Denham. Eventually, bolstered by your praise, she'll feel secure enough to loosen her grip.

Set the stage. If you're expecting pint-size company, have your child put her "special" toys away before her friend arrives. In their place, provide playthings that are easy to enjoy in tandem — blocks, tea sets, crayons and coloring books, dress-up clothes, and modeling clay, for instance. Tell your 2-year-old and her visitor that they can share these things, and compliment them when they do. If one of the children is heading for a toy her friend has a death grip on, distract her with a question, a snack, or another toy.

Respect your child's things. If your 2-year-old feels that her clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely she'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow her crayon, and give her the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, playmates, and babysitters respect her things too, by asking to use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your child to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with her. Offer her your scarf to wear, and ask if you can try on her barrette. Use the word share to describe what you're doing, and don't forget to teach her that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let her see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com