The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity (age 6 to 8)

What you can do
Demonstrate generosity. You grade-schooler takes her best cues from you, and when she consistently sees you being generous she'll want to copy your behavior. Don't hesitate to explain your own unselfish decisions aloud: "I got two copies of this book for my birthday. I could exchange one of them for a different book. But I know my friend Anne wants to read it, so I think I'll give it to her."

Discuss other people's wants and needs. "You're trying to socialize your grade-schooler to see a world bigger than herself," says Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children. Begin by teaching her to think about friends and family members. When she says, "I really want pizza for dinner tonight!" you can reply, "I know your friend Sam likes pizza, too. Why don't we invite him to come with us?"

"That way you're not just saying, 'Hey, don't be so selfish!'" says Dosick. "You're saying, in the gentlest way, 'Be aware of the needs of others.'"

Show that you disapprove of selfishness. Reprimands that are firm and consistent — but not harsh — will teach your youngster the family stance on generosity. "I don't like it when you keep all the Barbie clothes for yourself," you can say. "In our family, we share. Please let your sister play with some of them too." Try not to resort to punishment, which will probably only make her more defiant, not more generous.

Pile on the praise. Whenever your grade-schooler does share, tell her how happy that makes you feel. "I'm so proud of you for sharing your dessert with the new girl at school," you can tell her. "That's a great way to make a new friend." She'll feel good about earning your respect and making someone else happy, and generous behavior will come to her more naturally.

Be a volunteer. To teach your child generosity on the community level, get involved with a charitable activity, whether it's helping at a soup kitchen once a week or taking holiday cookies to a nursing home. Bring your child along so she can see how real people are affected by your actions. Having witnessed such generosity at work, many grade-schoolers are inspired to volunteer themselves. Encourage your child if she wants to join a fundraising walkathon or take toys to the children's wing of your local hospital, and let her know you're proud of her actions.

Look for the reasons behind her stinginess. If being generous remains a major obstacle for your grade-schooler, take a look at other issues in her life. Has your family just moved? Is her best friend away on a long vacation, or has a favorite pet recently died? Sometimes a child will react to tough transitions by clinging more tightly to a beloved possession or selfish behavior. In that case, "She's just holding onto something because she needs an extra security blanket," explains Paul Coleman, a psychologist, family therapist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids. So try not to get frustrated — just give her the time and support she needs to work through what's really bothering her, and save the sharing lessons for later.




source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity (age 5)

What to expect at this age
Sharing is the cornerstone of generosity for 5-year-olds, and it still doesn't come easily. Kids this age focus on what it will "cost" them to share. But because their friends' approval is so important to them, they're also starting to understand the benefits of generous behavior in making and maintaining friendships. Kindergartners are learning, too, that generosity means more than just sharing toys and treats. Without parental prompting, they're beginning to realize how other people feel, at least some of the time, and they can learn that generosity includes helping those in need.

What you can do
Demonstrate generosity. Your 5-year-old takes his cues from you, and when he consistently sees you being generous he'll want to copy your behavior. Don't hesitate to explain your own unselfish decisions aloud: "I got two copies of this book for my birthday. I could bring one back to the store and get a different book. But I know my friend Anne wants to read it, so I think I'll give it to her."

Discuss other people's wants and needs. "You're trying to socialize your kindergartner to see a world bigger than himself," says Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children. Begin by teaching him to think about friends and family members. When he says, "I want ice cream for dessert tonight!" you can reply, "I know your friend Sam likes ice cream too. We haven't seen him in a while — shall we invite him over to share some with us?"

"That way, you're not just saying, 'Hey, don't be selfish!'" says Dosick. "You're saying, in the gentlest way, 'Be aware of the needs of others.'"

Show that you disapprove of selfishness. Reprimands that are firm and consistent, but not harsh, will teach your 5-year-old the family stance on generosity. "I don't like it when you keep all the toy soldiers for yourself," you can say. "In our family, we share. Please let your brother have some of them too." Try not to resort to punishment, though. It'll probably make him more defiant, not more generous.

Pile on the praise. Whenever your kindergartner does share, tell him how happy it makes you. "You're so nice to share your Halloween candy with me!" you can say. Or "I'm so proud of you for sharing your special markers with your sister." He'll be happy that he pleased you, and eventually generous behavior will come more naturally to him.

Set some toys aside. It isn't easy to share everything. After all, "You wouldn't necessarily want your neighbor to drive your new car," points out Paul Coleman, a psychologist, family therapist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids. If friends are coming over, your 5-year-old may need to designate some possessions as off-limits for sharing. Explain which toys will be for all the kids to use, and which — like his new microscope — he doesn't have to let his little sister, or even his best friend, play with.

Let your kindergartner learn from his peers. The best way for him to learn to share is for his friends to teach him — and they will! Try not to get involved in every battle over toys; kids eventually learn how to compromise when they realize selfish behavior drives away playmates.

Be a volunteer. To teach your kindergartner generosity on the community level, get involved in a charitable activity, whether it's helping at a soup kitchen or taking holiday cookies to a nursing home. Bring your child along so he can see how real people benefit from your actions. Having witnessed such generosity at work, many 5-year-olds are inspired to volunteer themselves. Encourage your child if he wants to join a fundraising walkathon or take toys to the children's wing of your local hospital, and let him know you're proud of his actions.

Look for the reasons behind his stinginess. If being generous remains a major obstacle for your kindergartner, examine other issues in his life. Has your family just moved? Is his best friend away on a long vacation, or has a favorite pet recently died? Sometimes a 5-year-old will react to tough transitions by clinging more tightly to a beloved possession or selfish behavior. In that case, "He's just holding onto something because he needs an extra security blanket," Coleman explains. Try not to get frustrated. Give him the time and support he needs to work through what's really bothering him, and save the sharing lessons for later.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity (age 3 to 4)

What to expect at this age
Preschoolers are well into the process of becoming more social. Friendships gain importance, and group activities are a favorite pastime. This means that your youngster will have moments of generosity — she'll take turns with the sand shovel or share her cookies — but these acts won't be consistent and won't always occur when you wish they would.

The good news is that this inconsistency is utterly normal. Preschoolers still think of themselves first. They also place great value on personal possessions, so they don't share them easily. "We think that a toy is just a little plastic soldier or a Barbie doll, but a kid's identity is locked up in there," says Paul Coleman, a psychologist, family therapist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids.

Still, preschooler do display moments of generosity, and you can capitalize on your opportunities to encourage such behavior. A good way to begin is to focus on sharing.

What you can do
Demonstrate generosity. Teaching by example is one of the most effective ways to influence your preschooler's behavior. So during lunch, ask, "Want a bite of my sandwich, honey? Let me share it with you." Sharing a fun activity also leaves an impression: "I'm watering the garden — come share the hose with me." The more you use the word "share," the sooner she'll learn what it means.

Discuss other people's wants and needs. "You're trying to socialize your preschooler to see a world bigger than himself," says Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children. So when your preschooler says, "I want chocolate milk!" in the grocery store, you can reply, "Okay, that's what you would like. Now, what do you think Daddy would like? What treat should we bring home for him?"

"That way, you're not just saying, 'Hey, don't be selfish!'" says Dosick. "Instead, you're telling him in the gentlest way, 'Be aware of others' needs.'"

Teach your preschooler that sharing can be temporary. She'll feel better when she knows that she can let a friend use her toy and still get it back. So explain to her, "Emma's just borrowing your doll right now. She's not going to take it home with her; it's still yours to keep."

Show that you disapprove of selfishness. Reprimands that are firm and consistent, but not harsh, will teach your preschooler the family stance on generosity. "I don't like it when you keep all the toy animals for yourself," you can say. "In our family, we share. Please let your brother have some of them too." Try not to resort to punishment, though. It'll probably just make her more defiant, not more generous.

Pile on the praise. Whenever your preschooler does share, tell her how happy it makes you. "You're so nice to share your Halloween candy with me!" you can say. Or "I'm so proud of you for sharing your doll with your sister." She'll be happy that she pleased you, and eventually generous behavior will come to her more naturally.

Set some toys aside. It isn't easy to share everything. After all, "You wouldn't necessarily want your neighbor to drive your new car," Coleman points out. Your preschooler may have an easier time learning to share if she knows that a few favorite items are just for her. If a friend is coming over and your preschooler's especially possessive of her new dress-up shoes, let her hide them away beforehand. Tell her she doesn't have to share them because they're special, but explain that all her other toys will be for both children to play with.

Let your preschooler learn from her peers. The best way for her to learn to share is for her friends to teach her — and they will! Try not to get involved in every battle over toys; kids eventually learn how to compromise when they realize that selfish behavior drives playmates away.

Look for the reasons behind her stinginess. If sharing remains a major obstacle for your preschooler, examine other issues in her life. Has your family just moved? Has she just started preschool, or has a favorite pet recently died? Sometimes a preschooler will react to tough transitions by clinging more tightly to a beloved possession. In that case, "She's just holding onto something because she needs an extra security blanket," Coleman explains. Try not to get frustrated. Give her the time and support she needs to work through what's really bothering her, and save the sharing lessons for later.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity (age 2)

What to expect at this age

For 2-year-olds, generosity boils down to sharing — something most don't want to do. In fact, some of the biggest 2-year-old battles, with both parents and peers, are fought over sharing toys. If there's any silver lining to this behavior, it's the fact that it's perfectly normal. A 2-year-old's happiness is often based on his possessions (and having them now), not on whether he's making anyone else happy by sharing. "We think that a toy is just a little plastic soldier or a Barbie doll, but a kid's identity is locked up in there," says Paul Coleman, a psychologist, family therapist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids.

A 2-year-old may practice "proto-sharing," though, meaning he'll let friends look at a treasured object and perhaps even touch it, as long as he can still hold on tightly himself. There's no way he wants to give up his toy, but his willingness to show it off can be praised and recognized for what it is: a step in the right direction.

What you can do
Demonstrate generosity. Teaching by example is one of the most effective ways to influence your child's behavior. So during lunch, ask, "Want a bite of my sandwich, honey? Let me share it with you." Sharing a fun activity also leaves an impression: "I'm watering the garden — come share the hose with me." The more you use the word "share," the sooner he'll learn what it means.

Discuss other people's wants and needs. "You're trying to socialize your child to see a world bigger than himself," says Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children. So when your preschooler says, "I want chocolate milk!" in the grocery store, you can reply, "Okay, that's what you would like. Now, what do you think Daddy would like? What treat should we bring home for him?"

"That way, you're not just saying, 'Hey, don't be selfish!'" says Dosick. "Instead, you're telling him in the gentlest way, 'Be aware of others' needs.'"

Pile on the praise. Whenever your 2-year-old does share, even if it's just proto-sharing, tell him how happy that makes you feel. "You were so nice to share your new truck with me!" you can say. Or "I'm so glad you shared your blocks with your baby sister. She's happy too." He'll be proud that he pleased you, and eventually generous behavior will come to him more naturally.

Set some toys aside. It isn't easy to share everything. After all, "You wouldn't necessarily want your neighbor to drive your new car," Coleman points out. Your child may have an easier time learning to share if he knows that a few favorite items are just for him. If a friend is coming over and your child's especially possessive of his precious new teddy bear, let him hide it away beforehand. Tell him he doesn't have to share it because it's special, but explain that all his other toys will be for both children to play with.

Avoid punishment. Try not to make a big deal out of it when your child doesn't share. Just let him know, gently, that you're disappointed: "Oh, it's too bad you can't share your truck with Tommy. Maybe next time you'll be ready to share." Be careful to avoid a struggle over behavior that's normal for a 2-year-old, though.

Let your 2-year-old learn from his peers. The best way for your child to learn to share is for his friends to teach him — and they will! Try not to get involved in every battle over toys; kids eventually learn how to compromise when they realize that selfish behavior drives away playmates.

Look for the reasons behind his stinginess. If sharing remains a major obstacle for your child, examine other issues in his life. Has your family just moved? Has he just started daycare, or has a favorite pet recently died? Sometimes a 2-year-old will react to tough transitions by clinging more tightly to a beloved possession. In that case, "He's just holding onto something because he needs an extra security blanket," Coleman explains. Try not to get frustrated. Give him the time and support he needs to work through what's really bothering him, and save the sharing lessons for later.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com