Parents Center: Developmental Milestone--Toilet Training (age 3 to 4)

Toilet training: What to expect when
Most children are toilet trained by the time they're 3, but don't worry if your 3-year-old isn't; some kids aren't ready to start until they're about 4.

If you're starting the toilet-training process now, it will likely be brief because your child is ripe at this age. If your child is already trained, she has probably used a potty rather than a toilet. Now, in preparation for preschool, she needs to feel comfortable using the toilet both at home and elsewhere. If she hasn't mastered the skill already, she should also start to stay dry at night.

Signs of readiness
Your preschooler must be physically ready to start potty training before you have any chance of success, meaning she can hold urine and stay dry for three hours or more (this indicates that her bladder muscles are sufficiently developed to store urine). She also needs to be able to recognize the physical signs that signal when she has to go, and act on them before anything comes out (no small feat when you've never had to think about this before). It makes it easier, too, if she can pull her clothes up and down by herself.

Physical and mental readiness aren't the only factors involved. Motivation is key. If your child demonstrates a desire for independence and shows an interest in imitating others' bathroom habits, it may be an auspicious time to plunge into the process. Children may figure out how to have a bowel movement before they learn to urinate in the potty because they typically only have BMs once or twice a day, usually at the same time.

When your child is completely comfortable using her potty, buy a child-size seat for the grown-up toilet, and provide a step stool so she can climb up and down herself. Take her shopping with you, and let her help pick it out. She'll be much more excited about using it. After she's happily made this transition, you can put her potty away. Little boys typically sit down to urinate in the early stages of toilet training, but as preschoolers, they begin to copy their dads, older brothers, and friends, who stand up to pee.

Occasional nighttime wetting (as often as twice a week) and daytime accidents (when your child is engrossed in play or laughing herself silly) are perfectly normal and to be expected for at least six months to one year after she's mastered toilet training. If your preschooler consistently wets the bed at night, she may have a small bladder or may not have developed the ability to wake up in response to the call of a full bladder; this problem will usually pass as she gets older. Another solution is to limit liquids at night and before bedtime.

What you can do
You can make using the toilet a cinch for your child by dressing her in clothes that can be quickly and easily undone without your help. Elastic-waisted pants and shorts are perfect for this job; a dress with elastic-waisted underpants works just as well.

You may also need to assist boys making the move from sitting to standing. A step stool can help here, along with giving your son a target — a few Cheerios tossed in the bowl may do the trick. Be prepared to do some cleanup around the toilet for a while because it may take him some time to perfect his aim (practice makes perfect).

When you're out and about, teach your child to recognize rest-room signs, and encourage her to use them with your help and supervision. She'll also need to learn that sometimes (such as before a long car trip to Grandma and Grandpa's place) it's smart to visit a toilet before she feels a strong urge to go. You'll also need to prepare her for occasions when a bathroom is needed but not available — on a hike, for instance. That's easy for boys, of course, but little girls need to learn how to squat so their feet and clothing are safely out of the way. You can help your daughter by demonstrating how to squat and physically supporting her as she mimics you.

You'll also need to teach your child how to clean herself after she's been to the bathroom. Be sure to instruct girls to wipe from front to back to avoid infections. And, of course, you'll want to encourage hand washing after the job is done.

Be careful not to make a big deal about the occasional nighttime mishap. If your preschooler starts bed-wetting after a long dry period, she may be responding to some change or stress in her life. Once she's more relaxed, the problem will probably go away. If she wets the bed several nights in a row, downplay these accidents, and make sure she understands that they aren't her fault. Consider having her wear pull-on nighttime diapers again for a while — when she begins waking up dry, stop using the them. Don't punish her or make fun of her; she really can't help it and you'll only make her feel more ashamed.

What to watch out for
If your child has frequent accidents during the day and night, dribbles urine constantly, strains while she pees, or complains of burning or pain when she goes, she may have an infection or other health problem. Call her pediatrician as soon as possible. You should also talk to her doctor if her urine is cloudy or pink, if she has redness or a rash in her genital area, or if she soils herself on a regular basis. These guidelines apply to boys as well.

A small percentage of children may routinely soil themselves. This can happen if a child doesn't respond to the urge to have a bowel movement. If she ignores the impulse and holds it in, the stools become harder, larger, and more painful to pass, which further discourages toilet use. If your child has infrequent bowel movements (less than three per week), if she passes either large stools or hard, pebbly stools, or if it is difficult for her to pass a bowel movement, talk with her doctor about possible constipation.

If a child starts wetting the bed after a long dry period, there may also be an underlying emotional cause. "I'd talk with her doctor about any emotional stressors you think might play a part," says Denise Aloisio, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician in Rochester, New York. "Things like going to a new school, changes in the family (such as separation or divorce), or physical abuse can all be triggers."

What's ahead
In preparation for kindergarten, you'll want to help your child become completely self-sufficient in the bathroom. She'll need to be able to pull down her clothes, use the toilet, wipe herself, pull her clothes back up, and wash her hands. Typically, 5-year-olds are dry both day and night, with only occasional accidents.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center: Developmental Milestone--Toilet Training (age 2)

Toilet training: What to expect when
No magic age signals the ideal time to start the process of toilet training. Some children develop the necessary physical and cognitive skills as early as 18 to 24 months, whereas others aren't ready until they're 3 or 4 (boys are often slightly later than girls). Some children get the knack in a few short days, while it can take others a year or more.

What accounts for the wide age range in mastering this skill? Timing. Pediatricians have a saying about toilet training: If you start at 2 you'll be done by 3; if you start at 3 you'll be done by 3. "If you catch them when they're ready, it may only take a month," says Denise Aloisio, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician in Rochester, New York. "But if you miss the signals or don't wait for their cues, it can take six months or more."

Signs of readiness
Your child must be physically ready to start potty training before you have any chance of success, meaning he can hold urine and stay dry for three hours or more (this indicates that his bladder muscles are sufficiently developed to store urine). He also needs to be able to recognize the physical signs that signal when he has to go, and act on them before anything comes out (no small feat when you've never had to think about this before). It makes it easier, too, if he can pull his clothes up and down by himself. Steer clear of overalls if he can't undo the clasps.

Physical and mental readiness aren't the only factors involved. Motivation is key. If your child demonstrates a desire for independence and shows an interest in imitating others' bathroom habits, it may be an auspicious time to plunge into the process. Children may figure out how to have a bowel movement before they learn to urinate in the potty because they typically only have BMs once or twice a day, usually at the same time.

What you can do
Your job as a parent is to make the toilet-training process as natural and non-threatening as possible. Keep a relaxed and positive attitude, and encourage your child to get accustomed to his potty. Let him help pick the potty out at the store, then let him play with it, look inside, sit his teddy bear on it. Then, ask him if he wants to sit on it — with his clothes on at first — so that he can get used to how the seat feels. If he wants to take a rain check on this, don't push it. Explain how the potty is used in simple terms that he can grasp: "This is for making pee and poop in when you're ready to stop wearing diapers." (Use whatever words you're comfortable with for urine and feces, but be sure he understands them.)

By now your child has probably seen you and your partner use the toilet on many occasions. He may be more interested in just watching at this point. Role models take the mystery and fear out of new things, so let him watch. After about a week of familiarizing him with the potty with his clothes on, empty the contents of his diaper into the potty, so he sees what's supposed to go in there.

Once your child is willing to use the potty, make it part of his routine — start with after breakfast or before his bath — and gradually increase from once to several times a day. Praise him for his success and brush off accidents or no-shows.

Don't rush to flush: Kids see pee and poop as an extension of their own bodies. They may be fascinated by and proud of what they put in the potty. Some children also like to wave bye-bye to their BMs.

Be careful not to push your child or nag. Just like grown-ups, children are much less receptive when someone is constantly on their case than when they feel like they're in charge. Instead, watch your child for changes in posture or facial expressions that signal he has to go. If he grabs himself or grunts, for instance, let these be your cues to gently remind him about the potty. Handle accidents and setbacks calmly and kindly. Just clean up the mess matter-of-factly and suggest that next time he try using his potty. You may also want to switch from plastic disposable diapers to cloth diapers at this stage.

You're more likely to have success with toilet training if you choose a time to plunge into the process when all is reasonably quiet on the home front. As a deadline-oriented adult, it might seem logical to start training a few weeks before the next baby is due, just before your child goes to preschool, or when you're planning to move to a new house. But 2-year-olds are contrary creatures, and the more they sense your not-so-hidden agenda, the less inclined they are to go along with it. So ditch the deadline, act casual about the whole thing, and let your child "own" the experience.

What to watch out for
If you find yourself getting angry or frustrated about potty progress, or if your child seems to resist toilet training, consider it a sign that you both need to take a breather. Too much pressure to perform can sabotage the whole exercise, so wait until you've regained your patience and your child seems more open to the idea — it could be a couple of days, or even months. If you choose this battle, you will inevitably lose — toilet training can only be mastered with your child's voluntary cooperation.

You should also stop the toilet training if your child is reluctant to use his potty or becomes constipated. If your child has infrequent bowel movements (less than three per week), if he passes either large stools or hard, pebbly stools, or if it is difficult for him to pass a bowel movement, talk with his doctor about possible constipation. Address his health problem first by varying his diet (bananas are good for firming up BMs while prunes and other fruits are good for loosening them) and getting him to drink lots of liquids. Then you can try toilet training again.

What's ahead
Once your child is using the potty regularly, you'll gradually make the move from diapers to training pants during the day. In preparation for preschool, you may also need to help your child make the shift from the potty to the toilet. Most children take longer to conquer naptime and nighttime dryness. Don't worry, though, if your child is not ready to take these toileting steps. When he's ready to learn these new big-kid skills, he will (and not a moment sooner).

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Fun Activities To Promote Math Skills (Kindergarten )

As your child becomes a fluent reader, you can continue to encourage a love of reading. Make sure reading stays fun with these great activity ideas.

Because children learn in different ways, we've arranged these activities by learning style.But any child can benefit from the suggestions in all three categories.

For physical learners
Make a family newspaper Have your child write stories about what's happening in the family. Need some ideas? Recent birthdays, outings, and events at school all make good subjects for "articles." Then encourage her to read the paper to others.

Discover words to grow on Go to the library and check out a gardening book or buy one at the bookstore. Read through it to find plants, flowers, or vegetables that look interesting and then buy some seeds or plants from a local nursery and watch them grow.

Make your own bookmarks Cut a long rectangular strip out of white cardboard, punch a hole in the top, and let your child decorate each side with markers, stickers, sparkles, anything she wants. Then choose a ribbon and tie it through the hole as tassel.

Write a letter to a favorite author To help your child get started, ask her a few questions. What do you like about this author's book? How do you feel when you read these stories? Who is your favorite character? When it's ready, you can send the letter to the author care of the publisher. Check the title page of the book to find out who that is.

Make a dictionary As your child comes across words she doesn't know, have her write them in a blank book or notebook along with the meaning. This is a great way to help build vocabulary.

Give out book dollars If you don't want to use real money, you can draw your own. Dole out the cash for chores or other good deeds at home. When your child earns ten or 15, take a trip to the bookstore and let her spend the money.

Go to a book signing party Popular children's authors often make appearances at bookstores. Check local papers and bulletin boards at bookstores to find how who's coming next.

Build a reading fort In your child's bedroom, lean together some broom or mop sticks and drape blankets over them to create a tent. Invite your child to grab a book and a flashlight and climb in for story time in the dark. In the summertime you can do this in the yard.

Serve a meal from a book Use food coloring to make green eggs and ham, try to recreate parts of the Grinch's Christmas feast, or make your own batch of freckle juice from Judy Blume's book.

Throw a book-related party Read over your child's favorite book and think about what elements would work at a party. Can you decorate her room like the Hogwarts Academy in Harry Potter? You'll get your child and her friends talking about books.

For auditory learners
Go to story time at the library or a bookstore Nothing beats listening to a trained storyteller. Going to the library or a bookstore to listen to a tall tale is not only a fun outing, but your child will also learn about new books and meet other children. As a bonus, you may pick up a few tips to jazz up your own read-aloud sessions.

Write a menu for a weekend dinner Decide what you'd like to serve and then ask your child to write the dishes down with descriptions. Tell your child to use describing words (also known as adjectives) such as "green, fresh" salad, "hot" chicken, and "cold, sweet" ice cream. The next night, scramble the adjectives as a joke on the rest of the family!

Find a reading phone pal Teach your child to share the joy of reading. Call a friend or relative in another city and arrange a one-on-one book club. Have the children read the same books and talk about them each week.

Listen to books on tape You can check out tapes from the library for free or buy them at a bookstore (to save money, stop by your local used bookstore). Kids love listening to someone else tell them a story, and they can follow along in their own books.

Read a recipe and cook the dish together Start with an illustrated children's cookbook so your child can see how the dish might turn out. Read the recipe to your child while she follows along. Making the food will teach your child that books provide useful information.

Join a summer book club at the library Most libraries arrange summer programs with lists of books for each age group and awards for completing the books. To get credit for each book your child may need to retell the story to a librarian or volunteer. Your child will share the joy of books with others — and may even win some prizes.

For visual learners
Read a story that's out as a movie Then go see the movie. Your child will love seeing characters she already knows from a book up on the big screen. You can rent videos too. For a fun twist, make it a sleepover party and invite other kids to read and watch the video. Then have them talk about it to build reading comprehension. Some ideas: Charlotte's Web, Sarah Plain and Tall, The Little Mermaid, and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Make a photo scrapbook Have your child glue some favorite photos in an album (or on colored paper that you'll later punch holes in and tie together) and then write captions next to each one describing what's going on in the picture.

Subscribe to magazines Let your child browse the racks at the store. Aside from the obvious brown-bag restrictions, let her choose whatever she wants. Kids like to read teen magazines long before they're teens. Buy a couple of different magazines from a newsstand or bookstore, then ask your child to pick out a favorite for a subscription.

Imagine what happens next Have your child make up and write down a sequel to a favorite book.

Visit your child's favorite author's Web site Some great ones to try: the site for Gary Paulsen, author of Hatchet and other popular books, the site for the Goosebumps series, and the site for J.K. Rowling, of Harry Potter fame.

Leave notes for your child Put them in her lunchbox or book bag every day. Even if it's just a few simple words such as "I love you." You can also leave them around her room or next to her toothbrush.

Let her read comic books Everyone knows they aren't fine literature, but there's no denying that kids love them! Some great ones to try: Garfield, Archie, The Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes.

Illustrate a song Write down the words to your child's favorite song and have your child draw pictures to go with each stanza. Then read the song.

Set a family reading time For 15 or 20 minutes a night, everyone in the house reads a story together. If friends or neighbors are visiting, ask them to participate. Follow the reading time with a few minutes of discussion about the book to encourage comprehension.

Keep a diary Let your child pick out a diary with a lock and key and encourage her to write in it every day, even if only for a few minutes.

Follow along with a book project Find an instruction or how-to book based on your child's interests: How to draw cars, how to make perfume, how to construct a model, etc. Show your child how to read for information and then put that information to use.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Separation and Indenpendence (birth to 12 mo.)

Separation and independence
As a newborn, your baby has no sense of himself as an individual; he thinks that the two of you are one and doesn't realize that the tiny hands and feet waving before him are his own. Over time, though, as your growing baby develops physically and mentally, he'll gradually figure out that he's his own little person, with his own body, thoughts, and feelings. Of course, he'll also want to do things his own way.

When it develops
Your baby's sense of individuality will take years to develop. At around 6 or 7 months, your baby begins to realize that he's separate from you and that you can leave him alone. This is when separation anxiety usually kicks in, and it can last well into the second year.

But once your child becomes more social, and more confident that you will, in fact, come back for him when you leave him at daycare or with a sitter, he'll be able to move forward and forge his own identity. By the toddler years, his growing independence may have blossomed enough to cause some problems: Wanting things "my way" is at the heart of many temper tantrums.

How it develops
1 to 6 months
Until his half birthday, your child will completely identify with his primary caregiver. Working on gaining control over his basic movements and reflexes, he can't even think about the process of forming his own identity during those first few months. His primary concern is filling his immediate needs for food, love, and attention.

You may start to notice the first signs of budding independence at about 4 months, when your baby discovers that he can cry to get your attention. That's one of the first steps in learning that he has an independent will and that how he behaves can have an impact on others — namely you.

A famous British study shows exactly how unaware babies are of their own existence. Researchers placed several infants under the age of 1 in front of a mirror to see whether they understood that the reflections were images of themselves. They didn't. Each baby would pat his mirror image, behaving as if he were seeing another baby. And when researchers dabbed red rouge on a baby's nose and plopped him back in front of the mirror, he always tried to touch his reflection's nose, not his own.

7 to 12 months
At around 7 months your baby will realize that he's independent of you. While this is an exciting cognitive milestone, this new understanding of separateness can make him anxious. He knows that you can leave him, but he doesn't know that you'll always come back, so he's likely to burst into tears when you leave, even for a minute.

Resist the urge to sneak away when his back is turned — when you leave him at daycare, for example. It won't help him cope, and it may just make him more afraid that you aren't coming back. Hard as it can be, say goodbye and go while he's watching.

13 to 24 months
Your baby is now making progress in differentiating himself from you and from the world around him. In the same British study mentioned above, researchers put rouge on the noses of children about 21 months of age. When these babies looked in the mirror, they touched their own noses; they understood that the reflections in the mirrors were images of themselves.

Your 2-year-old may still get upset when you leave him at daycare or with a sitter, but he'll recover more quickly now because he's more secure. Experience and his budding memory skills have taught him that you'll come back after being gone for a while. You've built his trust by continually showing him that you love and care for him.

It's also this trust that gives him the confidence to assert himself. His insistence on wearing those green pajamas for the fifth night in a row, eating only certain foods, and climbing into his car seat by himself are all signs of his increasing independence.

25 to 36 months
Between the ages of 2 and 3, your toddler will continue to struggle for independence. He'll wander farther away from you as he goes exploring, and he'll continue to test his limits (coloring on the walls, for example, even if you tell him not to). In fact, "I can do it myself" is probably one of the most common refrains you'll hear from your older toddler.

Your role
Your child needs a secure attachment to you before he can move away and explore his world. Consistently give him love and support, and he'll build the confidence he needs to strike out on his own. Beginning when he's an infant, respond immediately to your baby's cries. Build that crucial bond by feeding him when he's hungry, changing his diapers when they're dirty, and smiling and talking with him when he's alert.

You can play games with your baby to enhance his understanding of separation and return (so he learns not to panic when you leave him for a while). For example, play peekaboo by covering your face or ducking behind a piece of furniture, or hide a toy beneath a blanket and find it together. Not only do these games teach a lesson, the interaction fosters his sense of closeness to you.

To develop independence, your child needs to test his limits and explore his surroundings, so provide him with a safe home environment. Instead of running around saying "no" every time he touches something that could harm him, keep dangerous objects out of his reach and plenty of safe ones within it.

Encourage independence and a growing sense of self by giving your child choices and things he can do on his own. A choice between two outfits, snacks, or afternoon activities allows your child to think for himself, and having him drink from a cup or put his toys back into their container shows him he's learning to help himself.

Keep in mind that just because your child is starting to break out on his own doesn't mean he'll require less of your comfort and love. While he may grow less needy, he still craves your constant care. Encourage him any time he tries something on his own, but don't push him away when he runs back to you for support. He'll want and need your reassurance for a long time to come.

When to be concerned
Although separation anxiety is normal for babies between 9 and 18 months, you should consult your child's doctor if his anxiety becomes so overwhelming that he's unable to do anything without you by his side, or if he's inconsolable even after you're long gone from his presence.

What comes next
With age comes greater independence and self-awareness. Each year will bring more things that your child will want to do on his own. As your child gets older, he'll become more knowledgeable about himself and the scope of his abilities. Future developments include the ability to prepare his own food, make friends, and go to school.

source from http://www.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Separation and Indenpendence (age 6 to 8)

Separation and independence: What to expect when
At this age your child should be able to separate from you and your partner with ease. In fact, he may be eager to head off to a friend's house for a sleepover, or stay with Grandma for the weekend. Still, helping your child cope with separation now will make future separations easier. That's especially true if your child has a shy, anxious, or timid temperament, since he may be more sensitive to separations.

What you'll see
Your child will also be increasingly more independent of you by now. That's a positive sign that he's more secure and his sense of identity is stronger. For instance, during these elementary school years, the importance of friends — both children and adults — outside his own family, will increasingly play a large role in his life. He'll be able to do more things for himself, such as make toast for breakfast and pack his lunch. And he can help out more with family chores, including vacuuming his bedroom, taking out the trash, making salad for dinner, or planting a vegetable garden. But don't panic; despite this emerging independence, there's a long way before your child goes off to college.

What you can do
It's simple: Encourage your child's growing independence. "The challenge of parenting lies in finding the balance between nurturing, protecting, and guiding your child, and allowing him to explore, experiment, and become an independent, unique person," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline book series. So let your child try something new, such as trying a different food, finding a new friend, or riding a horse, and resist the urge to intervene. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence.

You'll also want to balance between offering your child developmentally appropriate challenges, which may still involve some frustration on his part, and having him stretch to tackle developmentally inappropriate tasks, which can squelch independence. In other words, let him tough it out a bit as he gets the hang of the vacuum cleaner, for instance, but don't set him up to fail by expecting him to make a whole salad. Following are some strategies to try:

At home Acknowledge the importance of your child's increasingly independent relationships. Suggest that your child invite his school pals home. It's important for the self-esteem of a child this age to show off his home, family, and possessions. This doesn't mean your house has to be luxurious or filled with expensive playthings; warm and welcoming is what's needed here.

Around others A child's sense of independence is also nourished when you treat him with respect. For instance, his body is his own, so don't insist that he kiss or hug relatives or family friends if he doesn't want to. Instead, let him set his own pace for public displays of affection. If Grandma feels slighted, simply explain to her that you don't want to force your child to show her affection when he doesn't want to — he'll probably find other ways to let her know he's happy to see her.

At sleepovers You should also assess whether your child is ready for a sleepover or an extended stay at a relative's home. If he needs elaborate bedtime rituals or clings or cries when you leave him or seems unhappy in new situations, you may want to postpone a sleepover — for everyone's sake. Instead, try a practice run: Send your pj-clad, sleeping-bag-toting child to a friend's or family member's place for a few hours of nighttime fun, chatting, and snacking. Around 9 o'clock, you can pick him up and then everyone can get some sleep.

If, on the other hand, your child is eager to go away for a night, sleeps well at home, and handles separation without any drama, then go ahead and let him go to a sleepover. Just make sure to answer any questions he might have beforehand, such as where he will sleep, and tell him he can come home at any time if he needs to. Then help him get ready for the big occasion, drop him off, and let him know when you or your partner will pick him up the next day. Make sure you come when you say you will. You may also want to call your child around bedtime, if you think that might be comforting.

What to watch out for
If your child clings, cries, or otherwise displays a major protest when you or your partner leaves him, talk with his pediatrician. It may simply be that his shy or timid temperament means he has a tendency to such behavior, which he'll probably overcome in the next year or so. Or he may be stressed about a change, such as going to a new school, moving to a new house, or the unexpected absence of a parent. A persistent problem with separating that lasts four weeks or more and negatively affects the quality of your child's life, for instance skipping playdates to avoid anxiety, should be discussed with his doctor, says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at United States International University in San Diego

What's ahead
The road to adulthood is riddled with separations: the first day of middle school, the first time away at summer camp, and even the first year of college. As your child moves through the elementary school years, he'll become increasingly independent and show an even greater comfort level with separating from you and your partner for sleepovers, visits with grandparents, and out-of-town field trips. Peers and adults outside the immediate family — such as teachers, coaches, aunts, and uncles — will play an increasingly important role in his life. But you're not done yet: Your child will always need your guidance, encouragement, and love.

To share your concerns about your child's shyness or anxieties with other parents, see our bulletin board.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Separation and Indenpendence (age 5)

Separation and independence: What to expect when
Most, though not all, 5-year-olds are ready to tackle school. For some children, going to kindergarten marks the first major separation from you and your partner. For kids who attended daycare or preschool, kindergarten is still a major turning point, because your child will be given more responsibilities and independence in school. And "big" school is usually a much larger and more complex social setting than any she's known before.

What you'll see
At this age, your child is probably able to separate from you and your partner comfortably. In fact, she may be eager to head off to a friend's house, or stay with grandma for the weekend. Still, helping your child cope with separation now will make future separations easier. That's especially true if your child has a shy, anxious, or timid temperament, since she may be more sensitive to separations.

Your child will also be increasingly less dependent on you by now. That's a positive sign that she's more secure and her sense of identity is stronger. For instance, during this year, if not before, your child will learn the value of friends — both children and adults — outside her own family, a strong indicator of her growing independence. She'll be able to do more things for herself, such as taking a bath with your help. And she can help out with family chores, including setting the table for dinner or planting seeds for a vegetable garden. But don't panic; despite this emerging independence, there's a long way yet before your child goes off to college.

What you can do
It's simple: Encourage your child's growing independence. "The challenge of parenting lies in finding the balance between nurturing, protecting, and guiding your child, and allowing her to explore, experiment, and become an independent, unique person," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline book series. So let your child safely try something new, such as trying a different food, finding a new friend, or riding a bike without training wheels, and resist the urge to intervene. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence.

You'll also want to balance between offering your child developmentally appropriate challenges, which may still involve some frustration on her part, and having her stretch to tackle developmentally inappropriate tasks, which can squelch independence. In other words, let her tough it out a bit as she figures out where to put things as she sets the table, for instance, but don't expect her to make a whole salad. Watch for her cues. Following are some smart strategies to try:

At home Acknowledge the importance of your child's increasingly independent relationships. Suggest that your kindergartner invite her school pals home. It's important for the self-esteem of a child this age to show off her home, family, and toys. This doesn't mean your house has to be luxurious or filled with expensive playthings; warm and welcoming is what's needed here.

At school A child who has a tough time separating, or one who isn't used to being apart from you or your partner, can benefit from a little extra time in the morning before heading off to kindergarten. Plan to wait with her at the bus stop before saying goodbye. Or build in extra time for breakfast together.

Around others A child's sense of independence is also nourished when you treat her with respect. For instance, her body is her own, so don't insist that she kiss or hug relatives or family friends if she doesn't want to. Instead, let her set her own pace for public displays of affection. If Grandma feels slighted, simply explain to her that you don't want to force your child to show her affection when she doesn't want to — she'll probably find other ways to let her know she's happy to see her.

At sleepovers You should also assess whether your child is ready for a sleepover or an extended stay at a relative's home. If she needs elaborate bedtime rituals or clings or cries when you leave her or seems unhappy in new situations, you may want to postpone a sleepover — for everyone's sake. Instead, try a practice run: Send your pj-clad, sleeping-bag-toting child to a friend's or family member's place for a few hours of nighttime fun, chatting, and snacking. Around 9 o'clock, you can pick her up and then everyone can get some sleep.

If, on the other hand, your child is eager to go away for a night, sleeps well at home, and handles separation without any drama, then go ahead and let her go to a sleepover. Just make sure to answer any questions she might have beforehand, such as where she will sleep, and tell her she can come home at any time if she needs to. Then help her get ready for the big occasion, drop her off, and let her know when you or your partner will pick her up the next day. Make sure you come when you say you will. You may also want to call your child around bedtime, if you think that might be comforting.

What to watch out for
If your child clings, cries, or otherwise displays a major protest when you or your partner leaves her, talk to her pediatrician. It may simply mean that she has a tendency to such behavior because of her shy or timid temperament, which she'll probably overcome by age 6. Or she may be stressed about a new change, such as going to school, moving to a new house, or the unexpected absence of a parent. A persistent problem with separating that lasts four weeks or more and negatively affects the quality of your child's life, for instance skipping playdates to avoid anxiety, should be discussed with her doctor, says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at United States International University in San Diego.

Don't despair if your 5-year-old starts being rude when you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do. Difficult as this behavior may be to tolerate, it's actually a sign that he's learning to challenge authority and test the limits of his independence. Simply tell him in a calm but firm manner that such behavior is unacceptable and then move on. Making a big fuss over backtalk can backfire: You may actually prolong this sassy patter instead of putting a stop to it.

What's ahead
The road to adulthood is riddled with separations: the first day of middle school, the first time away at summer camp, and even the first year of college. As your child moves through the elementary-school years, she'll become increasingly independent and show an even greater comfort level with separating from you and your partner for sleepovers, visits with grandparents, and out-of-town field trips. Peers and adults outside the immediate family — such as teachers, coaches, aunts, and uncles — will play an increasingly important role in her life. But you're not done yet: Your child will always need your guidance, encouragement, and love.

To share your concerns about your child's shyness or anxieties with other parents, see our bulletin board.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Separation and Indenpendence (age 3 to 4)

Separation and independence: What to expect when
Most kids conquer separation anxiety by their third birthday. But don't be surprised if, once your child's cleared this hurdle, temporary episodes of separation anxiety continue to recur from time to time.

What you'll see
Children this age can still flip-flop between wanting to be independent and needing to run back to the comfort and security of Mom or Dad's arms. Still, helping your child cope with separation now will make future separations easier. That's especially true if your child has a shy, anxious, or timid temperament, since he may be more sensitive to separations.

Your child will also be less dependent on you by around age 3. That's a positive sign that he's more secure and his sense of identity is stronger. For instance, he'll happily play with other children, instead of just side by side. And, of course, most kids this age walk, talk, feed themselves, and use the potty or toilet with little or no help from you or your partner. By age 4 or so, your child can dress himself, brush his teeth with supervision, and pour his own cereal. But don't panic; despite this emerging independence, there's a long way before your child packs his bags for college.

What you can do
It's simple: Encourage your child's growing independence. "The challenge of parenting lies in finding the balance between nurturing, protecting, and guiding your child, and allowing him to explore, experiment, and become an independent, unique person," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline book series. So let your child safely try something new, such as trying a different food, handling a conflict with his best friend, or riding a bike, and resist the urge to intervene. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence.

You'll also want to balance between offering your child developmentally appropriate challenges, which may still involve some frustration on his part, and having him stretch to tackle developmentally inappropriate tasks, which can squelch independence. In other words, let him tough it out a bit to undo his buttons, for instance, but don't set him up to fail by expecting him to cut his sandwich in four triangles. Watch for his cues. Following are some smart strategies to try:

At home If your child has bouts of separation anxiety at home, your best bet is to figure out what he's afraid of — going to bed alone, for instance — and then address those fears with sympathy but not too much fuss, which can create the impression that his anxiety is warranted. To beat the bedtime blues, reassure your child that he's safe in an upbeat but matter-of-fact fashion. Say, "You've had something to drink and you've been to the toilet. So there's no need to get up again. It's time to lie down and go to sleep. Mommy will be in the next room."

When you need to head out for errands without your child or maybe even for a date with your partner, don't sneak out or lie about where you're headed. Prepare your child in advance, and then keep your goodbye ritual predictable, says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at United States International University in San Diego. Try, "Christine is coming to play with you tonight while Mama and Daddy go to the movies. We'll come home after you've gone to sleep, but we'll come in and kiss you goodnight." And don't worry: You're not a bad parent if your child has difficulty separating from you. In fact, it's often a sign that you've established a strong bond with your child.

At preschool A child who has a tough time separating, or one who isn't used to being apart from you or your partner, can benefit from a gradual transition to a new childcare or preschool situation. Plan to stay awhile for the first few mornings of preschool so he can get comfortable in this unfamiliar setting before saying your goodbyes. You may need to ease into this new routine by leaving him for only a couple of hours at first and then gradually working up to a half-day or full-day schedule.

Around others Acknowledge the importance of your child's increasingly independent relationships. For instance, suggest that your child invite his preschool pals home. It's important to a child's self-esteem to be able to show off his home, family, and toys. This doesn't mean your house has to be luxurious or filled with expensive playthings; warm and welcoming is what's needed here.

A child's sense of independence is also nourished when you treat him with respect. For instance, his body is his own, so don't insist that he kiss or hug relatives or family friends if he doesn't want to. Instead, let him set his own pace for public displays of affection. If Grandma feels slighted, simply explain to her that you don't want to force your child to show his affection when he doesn't want to — he'll probably find other ways to let her know he's happy to see her.

What to watch out for
If your child routinely clings, cries, or otherwise displays a major protest when you or your partner leaves him, talk to his pediatrician. It may simply mean that he has a tendency to such behavior because of his temperament, which he'll probably overcome by around age 6. Or he may be stressed about a change, such as going to preschool, moving to a new house, or the unexpected absence of a parent. A persistent problem with separating that lasts four weeks or more and negatively affects the quality of your child's life, for instance skipping playdates to avoid anxiety, should be discussed with his doctor, Alexander says.

Don't despair if your 4-year-old child starts being rude when you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do. Difficult as this behavior may be to tolerate, it's actually a sign that he's learning to challenge authority and test the limits of his independence. Simply tell him in a calm but firm manner that such behavior is unacceptable and then move on. Making a big fuss over backtalk can backfire: You may actually prolong this sassy patter instead of putting a stop to it.

What's ahead
The road to adulthood is riddled with separations: the first day of school, the first time at a sleepover, and even the first year of college. Just around the corner for your soon-to-be 5-year-old is, of course, the challenge of starting kindergarten. At this age, your child can probably quite comfortably separate from you and your partner. And he'll become more and more independent as people outside his immediate family, such as peers and teachers, play a larger role in his life. But you're not done yet: Your child will always need your guidance, encouragement, and love.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Separation and Indenpendence (age 2)

Separation and independence: What to expect when
When your child was a baby, she was completely unaware that you and she were two separate beings. But over time, as she develops various physical, mental, and emotional skills and grows more confident, she'll start to figure out that she's her own person (with her own body, thoughts, and feelings), and she'll increasingly want to do things her way. Of course, as a parent of a 2-year-old, you're probably painfully aware of this. It's a bittersweet process to realize your baby's growing up — sad, but also cause for celebration.

What you'll see
When your child hits age 2, the adventure of self-discovery truly begins. This is a time of astounding transformation from infancy to independence. As a result, it's also a period of challenging behaviors. But understanding the reasons behind your child's actions can help you get through this tumultuous and exciting time.

Once completely dependent on you, your child now has the physical and mental capacity to wander off on her own. She embarks on this whirlwind voyage of mobility believing she rules her world. All too quickly, though, she learns the limits of her powers as she tries new experiences, whether it's climbing up on the couch and then not knowing how to get down, or trying to put on her coat and getting hopelessly tangled in it. When she realizes she doesn't have everything figured out just yet, she becomes frustrated and frightened. But throughout this process of trial and error, she's painstakingly developing her own identity.

Along with this newfound self-awareness comes a fear of abandonment, otherwise known as classic separation anxiety — sometimes she'll walk away from you, and other times she'll come running back. "Separation anxiety is an absolutely normal stage of development," says Donald K. Freedheim, a child psychologist and director of the Schubert Center for Child Development at Case Western Reserve University. "All children go through it; it's just more visible in some than in others." According to Freedheim, the condition tends to wax and wane, usually peaking at 18 months and tapering off by 30 months.

Between the ages of 2 and 3, your child continues to struggle for independence. She tests her limits any chance she can (coloring on the walls, for example, even if you tell her not to). "I can do it myself" is probably her most common refrain. Her newly discovered autonomy is linked to her sense of self, and she flaunts it in many ways. She may insist on wearing her purple pajamas for the fifth night in a row, eating only certain foods, and climbing into her car seat by herself.

What you can do
Despite the temptation to rush in and rescue your "baby" when she gets into a bind, try to encourage your child's growing independence. At the same time, be sure she knows you'll be there when she needs you. Your 2-year-old's trust in you is growing now, and this feeling of trust gives her the confidence to venture out on her own. She may still get upset when you leave her at daycare or with a sitter, but she'll recover more quickly now because she's more secure. Experience has taught her that you'll always return. Of course, knowing you'll come back and accepting your departure are two different issues. So although she's well aware that you will return, she may put on a bigger show when you leave her. Be sure to give your child the attention and reassurance she needs along with a kiss accompanied by a promise that you'll return. Pay attention to the signals you're sending to your child too — are you lingering at the door when you say good-bye?

What to watch out for
If she's like most kids, your child will conquer separation anxiety by her third birthday. But don't be surprised if, once she's cleared that hurdle, temporary episodes of separation anxiety continue to recur from time to time. The road to maturity is riddled with separations: the first day of preschool, the first time at sleep-away camp, and even the first year of college. But helping your child cope with separation now will make future separations easier.

What comes next
With age comes greater independence and self-confidence. Each year will bring more things that your child will want to do on her own. As she gets older, she'll get to know herself better and will be more aware of her limitations. Future developments include the ability to help prepare simple snacks and meals, make friends, and go to school. Before you know it, your clingy 2-year-old will grow into an audacious preschooler.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Self-care (age 6 to 8)

Self-care: What to expect when
As your child gets older he'll learn — and want — to do more things for himself, from popping waffles in the toaster to breaking out the vacuum cleaner to tidy up his bedroom (you hope!). While watching your child grow increasingly independent can be bittersweet, learning to take care of himself is an important part of your child's personal and social development.

Skills he'll work at
Taking a bath or shower: At this age a lot of children are comfortable taking a bath or shower on their own, though you don't want to be too far away, says Denise Aloisio, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician in Rochester, New York. Stay within earshot in case your child needs a hand. Aloisio also recommends that parents lower the temperature on the family's hot-water heater to no more than 120 degrees Fahrenheit, so a child can't accidentally scald himself. And always encourage your child always to turn the cold water on first.

Preparing breakfast: Six-year-olds can fix themselves cold cereal and pour juice or milk. Eight-year-olds are probably ready to use the toaster oven for heating muffins, bagels, and other breakfast items.

Packing his backpack: By the time your child is about 8, he should be able to pack his schoolbag with all the necessities for the day, such as books, food, musical instruments, and sports gear. Until then, you'll want to help him gather the right stuff.

Making his lunch: With limited choices and some guidance from you, your school-age child is capable of packing his own lunch. Take a peek to make sure that what he's bringing to school is, for the most part, nutritious — no potato chip-marshmallow sandwiches, for instance.

Helping out around the house: Children this age can pick up their toys, make their beds, and clean their rooms — they can even take the vacuum cleaner out for a spin. They can also lend a hand with tasks in the kitchen and garden.

What you can do
Always, encouragement is key. Whenever your child tries his hand at a new skill, tell him you're proud he made the effort (regardless of the result) and urge him to try again. Don't always jump in to help; it's essential that he have enough time to master tasks on his own, at his own pace. Try not to pressure him before he's ready, either. Be flexible — if making his own lunch means bologna every day for a week, so be it. More important things, like independence and self-sufficiency, are at stake. If he misses a few sections of carpet as he vacuums, let it go. The more he practices his new skills, the better he'll get.

Keep a watchful eye on your child as he experiments with doing things he hasn't tried before, and explain why he can't do everything for himself. Tell him, for instance, why it's not safe for him to walk to his friend's house alone, or why he can't fire up the barbecue just yet. He probably won't be happy about it, but he'll understand your reasoning.

What to watch out for
Children develop skills differently, some more quickly than others, but if your child actively resists attempting any of the tasks above or shows no interest in learning them, talk to his pediatrician.

What's ahead
As the years roll by, your child will get better and better at taking care of himself. At around age 10 or 11, he'll be able to stay home alone, for instance, for short periods and with clear instructions. Then it's simply a matter of time before he can do laundry and cook dinner, not to mention drive himself to soccer practice — or, better yet, bring you breakfast in bed.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Self-care (age 5)

Self-care: What to expect when
As your child gets older she'll learn — and want — to do more things for herself, from tying her shoelaces and taking a bath to making her bed and setting the table. While watching your kindergartner grow increasingly independent can be bittersweet, learning to take care of herself is an important part of her personal and social development.

Skills she'll work at
Dressing and undressing: Kindergartners should be up to the challenge of zippers, buttons, and clasps. And it's at this age that your child will learn how to tie her shoes, though some children don't get the hang of it until around age 6.

Using the toilet: By the time your child enters kindergarten, she should be completely self-sufficient in the bathroom, though she still may not be proficient at wiping.

Taking a bath: Some children this age may want to bathe on their own, though they will need assistance with washing their body and hair. Give your kindergartner the illusion of independence by getting the bathwater ready and then staying in the background, but within earshot in case she needs a hand, says Denise Aloisio, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician in Rochester, New York. Aloisio also recommends that parents lower the temperature on the family's hot-water heater to no more than 120 degrees Fahrenheit, so a child can't accidentally scald herself. And teach your child always to turn the cold water on first.

Preparing breakfast: Five-year-olds should be able to fix themselves cold cereal and pour some juice or milk, but you should still expect some spills.

Packing her backpack: Kindergartners feel very grown up about packing their bag for school. You'll probably need to check, though, to make sure that essentials such as sweaters, raincoats, and lunches are not left out.

Helping out around the house: Children this age can pick up their toys, make their beds, and clean up their bedrooms. They can also lend you and your partner a hand with simple tasks in the kitchen and garden. Many youngsters, for instance, love to stir the brownie mix or water flowers.

What you can do
Always, encouragement is key. Whenever your child tries her hand at a new skill, tell her you're proud she made the effort (regardless of the result) and urge her to try again. Don't always jump in to help; it's essential that she have enough time to master tasks on her own, at her own pace. Try not to pressure her before she's ready, either. Be flexible — if packing her backpack prolongs the process of getting ready for school, build in extra time. If tying her shoelaces seems to take all day, don't sweat it. The more she practices these newfound skills, the more accomplished she'll get. Lastly, try not to do jobs over again after your child. She will notice, for example, if you always remake her bed. You're sending the message that she didn't do it correctly. It's more important for her to get a lot of practice than it is to get it right.

Keep a watchful eye on your child as she experiments with things she hasn't tried before, and explain why she can't do everything for herself. Tell her, for instance, why it's not safe for her to turn on the oven or cut her own bread with the bread knife. She may not be happy about it, but she'll understand.

What to watch out for
Children develop skills differently, some more quickly than others, but if your child actively resists attempting any of the tasks above or shows no interest in learning them, talk to her pediatrician.

What's ahead
As the years roll by, your child will get better and better at taking care of herself. She'll be able to make toast for breakfast, and then it's just a matter of time before she can do laundry and cook dinner, not to mention drive herself to soccer practice.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Self-care (age 3 to 4)

Self-care: What to expect when
As your child grows older, he'll learn — and want — to do more things for himself, from brushing his teeth to getting his own bowl of cereal. While watching your preschooler become increasingly independent can be bittersweet, learning to take care of himself is an important part of his personal and social development.

Skills he'll work at
Using a fork and spoon: By the time your child is 4, he should be able to hold a fork and spoon like an adult. With some guidance from you, he can also get a handle on how to use a knife. And — joy of joys — he'll be ready to learn table manners.

Dressing and undressing: Preschoolers should be able to put their clothes on and take them off without too much trouble. Zippers, buttons, snaps, and clasps on overalls still may be tough; while many preschoolers can undo these with ease, they will probably need help with fastening. Velcro, on the other hand, is easy for little hands to manipulate. Many children this age can put on their shoes without help if they have Velcro straps.

Brushing teeth: Most children get fairly adept at toothbrushing sometime between their third and fourth birthdays, but they still need your help and supervision. It takes quite a bit of coordination for your child to hold a toothbrush and maneuver it around his mouth so that he's really cleaning in there. But let him do his bit — it makes him feel grown up and helps him develop a good habit for life. And make sure he uses only a pea-size drop of fluoride toothpaste; he's apt to swallow some instead of spitting it all out, and too much fluoride is not a good thing.

Using the toilet: Most children are toilet trained by about age 3, though some aren't ready until age 4. As a toddler your child probably used a potty rather than a toilet. Now he needs to get comfortable using the toilet both at home and elsewhere. Little boys typically sit down to urinate in the early stages of toilet training, but as preschoolers they'll want to copy their dads, older brothers, and friends, who stand up to urinate. Also at this age, your child may develop the ability to stay dry at night if he hasn't done so already.

Preparing breakfast: Children as young as 3 may be able to get their own cereal for breakfast, especially if they're hungry. The more he practices, the better he'll get. If your child wants to get his own breakfast, make it easy for him by leaving kid-size containers of cereal and milk on the counter and in the fridge in spots he can reach. Then brace yourself for some spills — they're worth it in the long run.

Helping out around the house: Children this age can help by picking up their toys (though they'd usually rather not), and 4-year-olds can begin making their beds. They can also lend you and your partner a hand with simple tasks in the kitchen and around the yard. Many preschoolers, for instance, love to help stir the muffin mix or water the garden. Instead of allowing yourself to get into a power struggle with your preschooler, encourage him to help rather than insisting. You can accomplish a lot through long-term encouragement.

What you can do
Encouragement is key. When your preschooler tries his hand at a new skill, tell him you're proud he tried (regardless of the result) and urge him to try again. Don't always jump in to help; it's essential that he have enough time to master tasks on his own, at his own pace. Try not to pressure him before he's ready, either. And be flexible: If allowing him to prepare his own breakfast means you'll have to sweep cereal off the floor, go with the flow. If he's years away from perfecting hospital corners on his bed, don't sweat it. Just buy fitted sheets and a comforter so bed making is a cinch.

Keep a watchful eye on your child as he begins to experiment with doing things he hasn't tried before, and explain why he can't do everything for himself. Tell him, for example, why it's not safe for him to turn on the oven or cut his own bread with the bread knife. He may not be happy about it, but he'll understand.

What to watch out for
Children develop skills differently, some more quickly than others, but if your child actively resists attempting any of the tasks above or shows no interest in learning them, talk to his pediatrician.

What's ahead
As the years roll by, your child will get better and better at taking care of himself. He'll be able to tie his shoes and take a shower or bath on his own, and then it's simply a matter of time before he can do laundry and cook dinner, not to mention drive himself to soccer practice.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-Developmental Milestone: Self-care (age 2)

Self-care: What to expect when
When your child was a baby, you did everything for her. You changed her diapers, wiped her face when she spat up, and burped her after meals. But as she gets older, she'll learn to do more things for herself, from pulling off her shirt to getting her own bowl of cereal. This is the "I want to do it myself" age. Watching your child grow increasingly independent can be bittersweet, but learning to take care of herself is an important part of your child's personal and social development.

Skills she'll work at
Undressing: While your child may already know how to undress herself, around now she's likely to go through several clothing changes a day (just because she can), and that's fine — 2-year-olds are notoriously messy anyway and often end up with their clothes streaked with food or finger paint. On the flip side, though, if your child resists changing her clothes when you want her to, consider giving up. This is the time to relax your expectations a bit.

Catching a sneeze:Your child can start to follow some basic rules of hygiene. An important one: sneezing into her elbow, as opposed to her hand or the air. Preschools teach this technique to keep children from spraying germs everywhere and passing along germs by touch.

Brushing her teeth: Many 2-year-olds insist on brushing their teeth. Let your child make a first pass, but follow up with a more thorough cleaning yourself. And make sure she uses only a pea-size drop of fluoride toothpaste; she's apt to swallow some instead of spitting it all out, and too much fluoride is not a good thing. Your child won't be capable of adequate toothbrushing until much later, possibly not until she's 6 or 7. It takes quite a bit of coordination for a child to hold a toothbrush and maneuver it around her mouth so she's really cleaning in there. But let her do her bit; it makes her feel grown up and gets her into a good habit for life.

Using the toilet: Some children develop the physical and cognitive skills necessary to begin toilet training by around 18 to 24 months, while others aren't ready until age 3 or 4. Your child will let you know when it's time. For more, see Toilet Training in Three Easy Steps.

Preparing breakfast: Your 2-year-old may not be capable of fetching a bowl, filling it with cereal, and pouring on the milk all by herself, and you may not be capable of watching her try. But you can break down these tasks and let her do as much as possible. For example, have her bring you a plastic bowl (from a low cabinet), and after you've poured the cereal, let her pour the milk from a measuring cup. You can also encourage your child's independence by putting healthy snacks within her reach so she can get them on her own. She may drop some on the floor, but applaud her efforts anyway.

What you can do
Encouragement is key. Whenever your child tries her hand at a new skill, tell her you're proud she tried (regardless of the result) and urge her to try again. Don't always jump in to help; it's essential that she have enough time to master tasks on her own, at her own pace. Try not to pressure her before she's ready, either. And be flexible: If allowing her to prepare her own breakfast means you'll have to sweep cereal off the floor, go with the flow.

What to watch out for
Children develop skills differently, some more quickly than others, but if your child hasn't shown interest in doing anything for herself by the time she's 2, or if she seems incapable of handling the most basic tasks such as feeding herself with utensils, talk to her pediatrician.

What's ahead
Advances in self-care skills come fast and furious during the preschool years. Most kids have mastered the basics of self-care — dressing, washing their hands, feeding themselves, and going to the bathroom (but not necessarily wiping!) — by their fourth birthday. As the months and years roll by, your child will get better and better at meeting her own needs. You'll blink, a few years will go by, and she'll be able to tie her shoes and shower or bathe by herself. Then it's just a matter of time until she can do laundry and cook dinner, not to mention drive herself to soccer practice. By then you'll be wishing she'd let you baby her once in a while, but her refusal to give up her autonomy will be a testament to your success in teaching her to care for herself.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-The Responsible Child: How to Teach Responsibility (age 6 to 8)

What to expect at this age
Grade-schoolers are quite competent at handling various responsibilities, and they're developing a sense of how some chores, like picking up litter in the park, can benefit an entire community. Remember, though, that most kids don't have much internal motivation to be responsible, so yours may still need occasional reminders. At this stage, it's best not to overload your youngster with lots of tasks. Instead, ask him to perform fewer chores — but then make sure he follows through and does them.

What you can do
Set a good example. One of the best (and hardest) ways to engender responsible behavior is to be a good role model with your own possessions — put your car keys where they belong instead of on the dining room table, and tidy up your stack of magazines instead of leaving them all over the couch.

Choose age-appropriate tasks. Kids this age should be handling at least some tasks that require self-reliance and dependability. Your grade-schooler can make his bed every morning, load the dishwasher, or sweep up the kitchen floor. You can also help him learn to plan ahead if you ask questions such as, "What will you need in your backpack tomorrow at school?" and "What equipment will you need to have at your swim class this afternoon?"

A grade-schooler can also learn about responsibility to the community. So bring him along to a park cleanup day, or get involved in a community flower-planting project. He'll take pride in his contributions toward improving his neighborhood.

Teach first things first. Your youngster knows by now that work comes before play, but you still need to reinforce this basic rule. "I want to go swimming too," you can tell him. "But remember, first we need to clean up after lunch." Be friendly and matter of fact about it, and admit that you, too, prefer the fun — then he knows that you're not being bossy, but are simply expecting him to behave responsibly.

Make the job a game. Remember learning about barn-raising parties, where the whole village would help a family build a barn, and then everyone would share a feast? We all enjoy tasks more when they're fun, social occasions. Your grade-schooler will love helping to wash the car on a hot day if spraying himself (or you!) with the hose is allowed.

Try not to scold. It's tough to keep your cool when your child repeatedly fails to do what's expected of him. But lectures and punishments rarely work — at least not over the long haul — and they won't teach him self-discipline. Instead, try getting your point across with humor. Kids this age love it when their parents act sillier than they do. Instead of scolding your youngster for leaving his cereal bowl on the floor for the dog to lick clean, come back to the topic later that day and say, "Okay, let's pretend this is an empty bowl from breakfast. What can we do with it? We can...put it on our heads! Is that a good idea? No. Okay, we can...throw it in the bathtub! No? Okay, we can...put it in the sink!" He'll not only enjoy the silliness of this game, he'll also learn to compare and evaluate possible solutions.

Change the cues. One of the most frustrating aspects of parenthood is having to repeat the same thing every day (or several times a day!). "How often do I have to tell you to hang up your coat?" "How many times do I have to tell you to put your dirty clothes in the hamper!" It gets so you can't bear to hear yourself. What you may not realize, however, is that as a result of this kind of nagging, your grade-schooler has learned to respond to the verbal cue, even if it's a negative one. "This is when it's time to rewind the tape," says Paul Coleman, a father, psychologist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids. "Tell your child, 'Go back outside. Good, now come back in, and hang the coat up when you come in.' Cheer when he does it. The stimulus of coming in the door becomes the cue, rather than your verbal request. And teaching him new behavior can actually be fun."

Expect ups and downs. "Kids are going to mess up. That's part of being a kid," says Coleman. "But you can usually get more compliance when they realize there's a pattern." So try not to express anger or disappointment if your grade-schooler's having an off day. Just say to him calmly, "Remember, you always feed the dog right before we set the table."

Keep a record. Visual evidence works well with this age group. Try using a wall chart that lists chores, and add a sticker every time your child does his. When he's earned ten stickers, he gets to watch a special video or invite a friend over. This kind of record-keeping acts as an incentive but not a bribe. It also provides concrete proof of his efforts and boosts his pride in them.

Phrase things in a positive way. Jerry Wyckoff, a family psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues, suggests using what he calls "Grandma's rule" to encourage responsible behavior. Instead of issuing an ultimatum ("If you don't, then you won't"), Grandma's rule says, "When you've done what you have to do, then you get to do what you want to do." "Grandma's rule makes it clear that your household has rules that everyone follows," says Wyckoff. If your child says, "John asked me to come over to his house today. I want to go," respond with, "When you've finished your homework, then you can go play." Saying, "If you finish your homework, I'll take you to a movie," on the other hand, really just bribes your grade-schooler for what should be ordinary behavior — and it raises the possibility that he'll decide he can live without the treat and thus pass on finishing his homework.

Give him space. Much as you may be tempted to grab your grade-schooler's clothes and fold them properly yourself, try to resist. Instead, concentrate more on his efforts than his actual accomplishments. He may not be doing a perfect job, but criticizing him or co-opting his work will only squelch his desire to be responsible. Try making your suggestions nicely or even with gentle ruefulness, as in, "That's a pretty good job with the bed. I usually put my dirty clothes in the hamper first, though, instead of pulling the sheets up over them." Your tone will help him get the point without feeling defensive and tuning you out.

Let him take the consequences. As long as the outcome isn't harsh or dangerous, let your grade-schooler live with the results of the choices he makes. If he's responsible for packing his homework into his backpack each morning and he doesn't do it, don't hand-deliver it to his classroom later. He may regret having forgotten his homework, but you can bet he'll remember it tomorrow. You can nudge him along by asking him how he can remember next time.

Take your child's temperament into account. If he's consistently failing to meet his responsibilities, step back and think about whether he needs some extra help. Beginning a project is hard for many kids, and if yours is a bit passive he may need you to help him get started (then step back and let him carry on by herself). If he's easily overwhelmed, make sure your instructions are very clear. If he's the willful type, try to present the task matter-of-factly, not as an order.

Pour on the praise. Positive reinforcement will teach your child that his efforts are important and appreciated. When appropriate, point out exactly how he's helped everyone else: "Great! Now that you've mowed the lawn, we can all have a volleyball game this afternoon."

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com

Parents Center-The Responsible Child: How to Teach Responsibility (age 5)

What to expect at this age
Though she's increasingly socially aware, your 5-year-old still isn't focusing on contributing to the greater good or understanding her role in the family or in society (after all, she's still the center of the universe, right?). She is, however, ready for more complex chores now, and she can be expected to take care of some tasks without prompting from you. Best of all, giving her regular duties will teach her organization and self-reliance, and her self-esteem will get a boost.

What you can do
Set a good example. One of the best (and hardest) ways to engender responsible behavior is to be a good role model with your own possessions — put your car keys where they belong instead of on the dining room table, and tidy up your stack of magazines instead of leaving them all over the couch.

Choose age-appropriate tasks. Your 5-year-old is ready to handle some jobs that require self-reliance and dependability. She can feed the dog every evening (not just when you ask her to), for example, and put her dirty clothes in the hamper every night at bedtime. She can also start learning to plan ahead if you ask her questions like, "What will you need in your backpack tomorrow at school?" and "What equipment will you need to have at your swim class this afternoon?"

Teach first things first. Your kindergartner probably knows by now that work usually comes before play, but you still need to reinforce this basic rule. "Sure I want to take you to the park!" you can tell her. "But remember, first we need to clean up after lunch." Be friendly and matter-of-fact about it, and admit that you prefer the fun, too — then she'll understand that you're not just being bossy, but are simply expecting her to behave responsibly.

Make the job a game. Remember learning about barn-raising parties, where the whole village would help a family build a barn, and then everyone would share a feast? We all enjoy tasks more when they're fun, social occasions. Your 5-year-old will love helping you water the garden if she can also jump in any puddles that collect. If you challenge her to a race to see who can put the books back on the shelf the fastest, chances are she'll speed through the chore.

Try not to scold. It's tough to keep your cool when your child repeatedly fails to do what's expected of her. But lectures and punishments rarely work — at least not over the long haul — and they won't teach her any self-discipline. Instead, try getting your point across with humor. Kindergartners have a lot of fun with "Let's pretend." Rather than scolding her for leaving her cereal bowl on the floor for the dog to lick clean, come back to the topic later that day and say, "Okay, let's pretend this is an empty bowl from breakfast. What can we do with it? We can...put it on our heads! Is that a good idea? No. Okay, we can...throw it in the bathtub! No? Okay, we can...put it in the sink!" She'll not only enjoy the silliness of this game, she'll also learn to compare and evaluate possible solutions.

Change the cues. One of the most frustrating aspects of parenthood is having to repeat the same thing every day (or several times a day!). "How often do I have to tell you to hang up your coat?" we yell when our youngster enters the house and immediately dumps her clothes on the chair. We may not realize that she's learned to respond to our verbal cue, even if it's a negative one. "This is when it's time to rewind the tape," says Paul Coleman, a father, psychologist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids. "Tell your child, 'Go back outside. Good, now come back in, and hang the coat up when you come in.' Cheer when she does it. The stimulus of coming in the door becomes the cue, rather than your verbal request. And teaching her new behavior can actually be fun."

Expect ups and downs. "Kids are going to mess up. That's part of being a kid," says Coleman. "But you can usually get more compliance when they realize there's a pattern." So try not to express anger or disappointment if your 5-year-old is having an off day. Just say to her calmly, "Remember, you always feed the dog right before we set the table."

Keep a record. Visual evidence works well with this age group. So try using a wall chart that lists chores, and add a sticker every time your child does hers. When she's earned ten stickers, she gets to watch a special video or invite a friend over. This kind of record-keeping acts as an incentive but not a bribe. It also provides concrete proof of her efforts and boosts her pride in them.

Phrase things in a positive way. Jerry Wyckoff, a family psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues, suggests using what he calls "Grandma's rule" to encourage responsible behavior. "Grandma's rule makes it clear that your household has rules that everyone follows," says Wyckoff. So instead of issuing an ultimatum ("If you don't, then you won't"), Grandma's rule says, "When you've done what you have to do, then you get to do what you want to do." If your child says, "My friends are outside. I want go play with them," respond with, "When you've put your clothes away, then you can go outside." Saying, "If you put away your clothes, I'll give you a treat," on the other hand, really just bribes your kindergartner for what should be normal behavior — and it raises the possibility that she'll decide she can live without the treat and thus pass on cleaning up her clothes.

Give her space. Much as you may be tempted to grab your kindergartner's clothes and fold them properly yourself, try to resist. Instead, concentrate more on her efforts than her actual accomplishments. She may not be doing a perfect job, but criticizing her or co-opting her work will only squelch her desire to be responsible. Try making your suggestions gently and with yourself as the example, "You've done a really good job cleaning up. I try to fold my shirts instead of crumpling them up on the shelf, though. That keeps them from getting wrinkled." Your tone will help her get the point without becoming defensive and tuning you out.

Let her take the consequences. As long as the outcome isn't harsh or dangerous, now's the time to begin letting your kindergartner live with the results of the choices she makes. If her job is to pack her backpack for swim class and she forgets her towel, don't "rescue" her by coming up with a spare towel yourself. You can empathize with her discomfort by saying, "I'm sorry you're cold — how can you remember to bring your towel next time?" She may shiver in her wet suit for a few minutes, but she'll remember next time.

Take your child's temperament into account. If your 5-year-old consistently fails to meet her responsibilities, step back and think about whether she needs some extra help. Beginning a project is hard for many kids, and if yours is a bit passive she may need you to help her get started (then step back and let her carry on by herself). If she's easily overwhelmed, make sure your instructions are very clear. If she's the willful type, try to present the task matter-of-factly, not as an order. You might also try challenging her to a contest: "I bet you can't put the silverware away before I put the glasses away."

Pour on the praise. Positive reinforcement will teach your kindergartner that her efforts are important and appreciated. When appropriate, point out exactly how she's helped everyone else: "Great! Now that you've set the table, we can all eat right away. And I know everybody's hungry!"

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com