Separation and independence: What to expect when
When your child was a baby, she was completely unaware that you and she were two separate beings. But over time, as she develops various physical, mental, and emotional skills and grows more confident, she'll start to figure out that she's her own person (with her own body, thoughts, and feelings), and she'll increasingly want to do things her way. Of course, as a parent of a 2-year-old, you're probably painfully aware of this. It's a bittersweet process to realize your baby's growing up — sad, but also cause for celebration.
What you'll see
When your child hits age 2, the adventure of self-discovery truly begins. This is a time of astounding transformation from infancy to independence. As a result, it's also a period of
Once completely dependent on you, your child now has the physical and mental capacity to wander off on her own. She embarks on this whirlwind voyage of mobility believing she rules her world. All too quickly, though, she learns the limits of her powers as she tries new experiences, whether it's climbing up on the couch and then not knowing how to get down, or trying to put on her coat and getting hopelessly tangled in it. When she realizes she doesn't have everything figured out just yet, she becomes frustrated and frightened. But throughout this process of trial and error, she's painstakingly developing her own identity.
Along with this newfound self-awareness comes a fear of abandonment, otherwise known as classic separation anxiety — sometimes she'll walk away from you, and other times she'll come running back. "Separation anxiety is an absolutely normal stage of development," says Donald K. Freedheim, a child psychologist and director of the
Between the ages of 2 and 3, your child continues to struggle for independence. She tests her limits any chance she can (coloring on the walls, for example, even if you tell her not to). "I can do it myself" is probably her most common refrain. Her newly discovered autonomy is linked to her sense of self, and she flaunts it in many ways. She may insist on wearing her purple pajamas for the fifth night in a row, eating only certain foods, and climbing into her car seat by herself.
What you can do
Despite the temptation to rush in and rescue your "baby" when she gets into a bind, try to encourage your child's growing independence. At the same time, be sure she knows you'll be there when she needs you. Your 2-year-old's trust in you is growing now, and this feeling of trust gives her the confidence to venture out on her own. She may still get upset when you leave her at daycare or with a sitter, but she'll recover more quickly now because she's more secure. Experience has taught her that you'll always return. Of course, knowing you'll come back and accepting your departure are two different issues. So although she's well aware that you will return, she may put on a bigger show when you leave her. Be sure to give your child the attention and reassurance she needs along with a kiss accompanied by a promise that you'll return. Pay attention to the signals you're sending to your child too — are you lingering at the door when you say good-bye?
What to watch out for
If she's like most kids, your child will conquer separation anxiety by her third birthday. But don't be surprised if, once she's cleared that hurdle, temporary episodes of separation anxiety continue to recur from time to time. The road to maturity is riddled with separations: the first day of preschool, the first time at sleep-away camp, and even the first year of college. But helping your child cope with separation now will make future separations easier.
What comes next
With age comes greater independence and self-confidence. Each year will bring more things that your child will want to do on her own. As she gets older, she'll get to know herself better and will be more aware of her limitations. Future developments include the ability to help prepare simple snacks and meals, make friends, and go to school. Before you know it, your clingy 2-year-old will grow into an audacious preschooler.
source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com
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