How toilet training philosophies have changed
The parenting philosophies of a generation ago were quite different from those in vogue today. It's common for grandparents these days to think their grandchildren should be toilet trained at an age when many children are still in diapers. Today most experts believe that toilet training, like many developmental achievements, should be child centered, which means parents take their cue from the child rather than vice versa. However, many grandparents believe that waiting for a toddler to decide that he's ready or interested doesn't provide enough structure.
What you can do when you disagree about toilet training
Sometimes grandparents will make remarks about toilet training as part of general criticism about the way their grandchildren are being raised. A remark such as "You mean you haven't started toilet training yet?" may be attached to comments about your other parenting decisions.
If your preschooler's grandparents frequently take care of him, you may want to discuss your toilet-training strategies. Some grandparents will be interested in learning more about current toilet training ideas, and showing them some of what you've read here may be helpful. You may also agree to disagree, asking your child's grandparents to direct any comments to you, out of your child's hearing.
What you should do if the grandparents watch your child
Even if your 3- or 4-year-old doesn't seem ready to you, he might be ready to practice using the potty part-time with Grandma (who cares for him during the day). Since your preschooler probably won't have the same need to assert his independence or act negatively toward his grandparents that he does with you, he may be more cooperative with them when it comes to using the potty. As long as you feel comfortable with the general approach your child's grandparents are planning to take, it's reasonable to let them start potty training even if you'd planned to wait a little longer. However, consistency is key for a preschooler, so it's important to get everyone on the same page before you begin.
Also, let your child's grandparents know they shouldn't make too big a deal of his efforts to use the potty or he may feel that he's let them down when he has an accident — which is almost inevitable. And, of course, when he does have an accident, talk to them about how important it is not to scold or punish him, or he may begin to resist training. Most importantly, don't put your child in the middle of any disagreement about toilet training between you and your parents or in-laws; handle any tense discussions well out of his earshot.
source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com
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