The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity (age 2)

What to expect at this age

For 2-year-olds, generosity boils down to sharing — something most don't want to do. In fact, some of the biggest 2-year-old battles, with both parents and peers, are fought over sharing toys. If there's any silver lining to this behavior, it's the fact that it's perfectly normal. A 2-year-old's happiness is often based on his possessions (and having them now), not on whether he's making anyone else happy by sharing. "We think that a toy is just a little plastic soldier or a Barbie doll, but a kid's identity is locked up in there," says Paul Coleman, a psychologist, family therapist, and the author of How to Say It to Your Kids.

A 2-year-old may practice "proto-sharing," though, meaning he'll let friends look at a treasured object and perhaps even touch it, as long as he can still hold on tightly himself. There's no way he wants to give up his toy, but his willingness to show it off can be praised and recognized for what it is: a step in the right direction.

What you can do
Demonstrate generosity. Teaching by example is one of the most effective ways to influence your child's behavior. So during lunch, ask, "Want a bite of my sandwich, honey? Let me share it with you." Sharing a fun activity also leaves an impression: "I'm watering the garden — come share the hose with me." The more you use the word "share," the sooner he'll learn what it means.

Discuss other people's wants and needs. "You're trying to socialize your child to see a world bigger than himself," says Wayne Dosick, a rabbi and the author of Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children. So when your preschooler says, "I want chocolate milk!" in the grocery store, you can reply, "Okay, that's what you would like. Now, what do you think Daddy would like? What treat should we bring home for him?"

"That way, you're not just saying, 'Hey, don't be selfish!'" says Dosick. "Instead, you're telling him in the gentlest way, 'Be aware of others' needs.'"

Pile on the praise. Whenever your 2-year-old does share, even if it's just proto-sharing, tell him how happy that makes you feel. "You were so nice to share your new truck with me!" you can say. Or "I'm so glad you shared your blocks with your baby sister. She's happy too." He'll be proud that he pleased you, and eventually generous behavior will come to him more naturally.

Set some toys aside. It isn't easy to share everything. After all, "You wouldn't necessarily want your neighbor to drive your new car," Coleman points out. Your child may have an easier time learning to share if he knows that a few favorite items are just for him. If a friend is coming over and your child's especially possessive of his precious new teddy bear, let him hide it away beforehand. Tell him he doesn't have to share it because it's special, but explain that all his other toys will be for both children to play with.

Avoid punishment. Try not to make a big deal out of it when your child doesn't share. Just let him know, gently, that you're disappointed: "Oh, it's too bad you can't share your truck with Tommy. Maybe next time you'll be ready to share." Be careful to avoid a struggle over behavior that's normal for a 2-year-old, though.

Let your 2-year-old learn from his peers. The best way for your child to learn to share is for his friends to teach him — and they will! Try not to get involved in every battle over toys; kids eventually learn how to compromise when they realize that selfish behavior drives away playmates.

Look for the reasons behind his stinginess. If sharing remains a major obstacle for your child, examine other issues in his life. Has your family just moved? Has he just started daycare, or has a favorite pet recently died? Sometimes a 2-year-old will react to tough transitions by clinging more tightly to a beloved possession. In that case, "He's just holding onto something because he needs an extra security blanket," Coleman explains. Try not to get frustrated. Give him the time and support he needs to work through what's really bothering him, and save the sharing lessons for later.

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com