Parents Center-The Responsible Child: How to Teach Responsibility (age 2)

What to expect at this age
A 2-year-old isn't developmentally ready to focus on the greater good or to understand her role in the family, let alone her role in society (she does know, however, that she's the center of the universe!). She's also not ready for complex chores or for maintaining her own schedule. But she does want to be as busy and important as you appear to be. So take a positive view of it if your little one's always underfoot while you're trying to get things done. Her desire lays the groundwork for the behaviors that'll make her a responsible teen and adult.

What you can do
Start simply. Tasks that are too difficult will only overwhelm your 2-year-old. Start with the easy ones: She can throw her own Kleenex in the garbage, pour dry kibble into the cat's bowl, or use a small pitcher to water a potted plant. Simple, one-step tasks are best for this age group. She'll be daunted by a request to "clean your room" (after all, consider the dozens of tasks that actually involves). "Please put your shoes in the closet," on the other hand, is manageable. You'll be amazed by how much pride and self-reliance she gains from undertaking such simple chores.

Show and tell. The best (and perhaps hardest) way to instill a sense of responsibility is to be a good role model with your own possessions — put your car keys where they belong instead of on the dining room table, and tidy up your stack of magazines instead of leaving them all over the couch. Another way to encourage your child is to show her how to accomplish simple tasks on her own. Saying, "Help me fold the laundry," makes less sense to her than a demonstration accompanied by, "See how I'm putting the socks in this pile and the underwear in this pile? Want to help me do that?" (Two-year-olds enjoy the Zen of sorting.) If you find yourself spending too much time showing your child how to perform a task, chances are it's too complicated for her.

Make the job a game. Remember learning about barn-raising parties, where the whole village would help a family build a barn, and then everyone would share a feast? We all enjoy tasks more when they're fun, social occasions. Your 2-year-old is happy to be spending time with you, and she doesn't view emptying the dryer as a chore — it's fun to pull out warm, fluffy clothes and pile them in a basket. Follow her lead and dance to music while you dust together, or have a race to see who can put away the most blocks.

Establish a routine. Your child will learn responsible habits more easily if you set a routine early on. Let her know that she should always put her own bowl in the sink after breakfast, and help put her tub toys away after every bath. She'll see that chores are a part of everyday life, not something grown-ups hand out on a whim.

Phrase things in a positive way. Jerry Wyckoff, a family psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues, suggests using what he calls "Grandma's rule" to engender responsibility in 2-year-olds. "Grandma's rule makes it clear that your household has rules that everyone follows," says Wyckoff. So instead of issuing an ultimatum ("If you don't, then you won't"), Grandma's rule says, "When you've done what you have to do, then you can do what you want to do." If your child says, "I want a cookie," respond with, "When you sit at the table, then you can have a cookie." Saying, "If you clean up your toys, I'll give you a treat," on the other hand, really just bribes your child for what should be normal behavior — and it raises the possibility that she'll decide she can live without the treat and thus pass on cleaning up her toys.

Give her space. For the sake of expediency, you may be tempted to grab your child's plate and put it in the dishwasher yourself. Try to resist this urge. Instead, concentrate more on your little one's efforts than on her actual accomplishments. She may not be doing a perfect job, but criticizing her or co-opting her chores will only squelch her desire to help. (And remind yourself that practice does make perfect.) Try phrasing your suggestions in an encouraging way: "You've done a really good job clearing your plate. I like to put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher, though, not back on the shelf."

Pour on the praise. Positive reinforcement will teach your child that her efforts are important and appreciated. Be specific with your praise: "You did so well putting Fluffy's food right in his bowl," as opposed to "Good job!" When appropriate, point out exactly how her efforts have helped everyone else: "Now that you've put the spoons on the table, we can all eat right away. Let's sit down!"

source from http://parentcenter.babycenter.com